Everything Wrong With Ships

Mileven

Ah, yes, Mileven. The most innocent and adorable ship that stole everyone's hearts after the release of Stranger Things in 2016. It was everywhere. Social media, interviews, fan fiction, the FUCKING NEWS.

Well I hate it.

Right, now before you all attack me and unfollow, or report me to the police, let me just explain myself.

Here are the reasons why:

1. He's a preteen boy who doesn't yet know what love feels like and is just excited because she's a girl who isn't grossed out by him (and Lucas totally called it).

2. She's a traumatized girl who doesn't even know what a friend is, let alone a boyfriend or kiss. She doesn't know the difference between platonic, familial, and romantic love. She doesn't know when or if it's appropriate to kiss someone, it's all new to her and she needs to learn how to be a person before she can have a serious romantic relationship.

3. He's possessive over her. He doesn't let her hang out with anyone besides him, and he's her only source of human interaction. He eventually blames Max for her basically "brainwashing" her or "conspiring against him" when in reality, she's being a good friend and helping her find herself and be who she wants to be. He's basically using her as his own source of protection (more on that later).

4. I think Eleven is just clinging onto him because he's the first person who showed her kindness and hospitality, and that's mostly because that's just who Mike is. I'm sure it would've been the same with Lucas had he been the one advocating for her.

5. A relationship is the last thing she needs right now. She needs to be recovering from her 12 years of abuse and trauma. If this relationship were to completely crumble (even worse than ST3), then that could break her.

6. Mike claims she understands him, but given she only said about three words to him before they got together, and doesn't even know simple English, I think that's kind of (a lot) iffy to say.

7. Realistically, they won't be together for very long. Especially with the whole long-distance thing they will most likely try (with the Byers move in season 3). They're 14 or 15, not really sure how things work, and they're each other's first "relationship".

8. They honestly change each other, for the worst. For example, Mike was a very sweet, open minded, accepting, helpful kid in the first season. Then in season two, he's a complete jackass (and hypocrite) in regards to Max and her joining the party. El is a good girl who loves Hopper, but Mike encourages her to be a disrespectful little shit to him.

9. They have an unhealthy codependency on each other. Mike completely shuts down without her and when she comes back, rages and attacks Hopper. El throws tantrums when Hopper says she can't see him, and leaves the house (breaking the Don't Be Stupid Rules).

10. It's icky. Not like, incest icky, but, like... a forced childhood makeout session is just... gross. I don't want it to be a forced romance between kids just because we as a society feel the need to make everything a love story. The plot doesn't benefit at all from Mileven. I would rather watch the sci-fi mystery show Stranger Things was intended to be rather than a failed romance between two thirteen year olds.

11. It's rushed. Like, they spent six days together and then there's a kiss scene. I could understand Mike slowly forming a crush on El, but this is too much, too fast, too forced.

12. El pretty clearly likes him platonically. From how awkward she was in their season 3 makeout session, or how... fine she was after their breakup, it was clear she never really felt that way about him. I bet you he was like "oh I like you" and she was like "oh I must like him, too, right? That's how these things work". Again, she didn't know what was going on.

13. El didn't understand that a kiss was a romantic gesture. She more likely thought it was something friends do, at least at first. She has a lot of knowledge from her TV time in the cabin, so she probably caught on eventually, but at first she mostly thought it was a friendly thing.

14. All feelings have to be built up from social experiences, and El had none, meaning she didn't have romantic feelings for Mike, at least not in seasons 1 & 2.

15. Mike is a smug son of a bitch who's essentially corrupting her by teaching her to be disrespectful and rude and closed off and isolated. She deserves better, but only after she finds herself.

16. They spent WAY too much time together. Hopper was so tired of him, and for good reason. They were CONSTANTLY together, and it's honestly not healthy. Also, three inches.

17. He never asked before he kissed her. It's not rape, but still. Consent.

And finally, reason number 18.

EL DOESN'T LIKE ANY OF MIKE'S ACTUAL CHARACTER TRAITS.

This is something we see a lot of in season 3, and the biggest reason I don't ship them. When Mike is singing to her in episode one of ST3, she awkwardly laughs, but not because she thinks it's funny, but the kind of awkward laugh you give when you're uncomfortable and want to be out of a situation. She doesn't like how dorky he is. She didn't care in season 1 when he was talking about Yoda or his dinosaur, Rory. She walked away. She doesn't like his nerdy, dorky personality. She doesn't like Mike.

Stranger Things. Mike meets El at the end of episode one, out in the woods. She's drenched, cold, barefoot, bald, and has a crazy look in her eyes. Love at first sight?

He brings her home (as you do) and feeds her frozen waffles out of his pocket (wtf), and she says about two words to him over the season. Then, he kisses her. Then they're "madly in love" and just "miss each other so much" and get all moody and possessive.

They threw tantrums because they didn't get to see each other after knowing each other for six days.

Season three, they're two fourteen year olds making out and disrespecting adults, honestly being horrible friends to Dustin and the rest of the party (Dustin just got home and they ditched him to go make out, something they'd been doing every single day for the past MONTHS).

They're not good for each other, and honestly not compatible in any way. They're rushing things and they're confused and I honestly hate the ship. No offense if you don't. You're allowed to disagree, of course.

Anyways, thanks for reading! Bye!