Double Redamancy

Chapter 22: Abience

Abience: (n.) the strong urge to avoid someone or something.

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"Thought I might find you here." a voice says as they sit down next to me.

"You thought correctly." I agree bitterly, refusing to look at the honey-eyed boy.

Instead I stare down at the rocks.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't stop Booker. You know how stubborn he is. It didn't matter what I said to him, Jace. He would have fought Pierce anyway." Acer responds tiredly.

"He was smart not to come with you. I would have killed him." I growl, but then regret it immediately. 

I don't want either of them to be fearful of my powers.

"Jason, it's not really his fault-" Acer tries.

"You guys need to go away for awhile." I cut him off.

"What?" he asks in shock.

"Booker and you. You guys have to leave." I reply firmly.

He's quiet momentarily. Although everything in me wants to wrap an arm across his shoulders to comfort him, I don't allow myself to do it. The colder I am, the quicker he'll give up and go. As much as it kills me.

"Is this about what Pierce said? About you not wanting to be a werewolf? About you not wanting a mate?" He questions brokenly and my heart sinks. "Because we never have to shift and I promise you I'll be the best man I can for you. " 

"No, Acer. It's not about any of that." I respond, eyes beginning to water.

"Than what is it? Are we starting to annoy you? I'm sorry, we'll step back a bit." Acer replies and I can feel his eyes on me. "I'm sorry if I've been overbearing."

"I love you." I say suddenly, surprising both of us. "Sorry."

"Don't say sorry." Acer says, grabbing my chin gently and turning my face to him. "I love you too."

"So you know I never want to hurt you, right?" I ask carefully, scanning his eyes for uncertainty.

"Of course I know that." he replies in confusion. "And I'd never hurt you."

"But that's where we're different." I say, leaning back so he'll let go of my chin.

"What do you mean?" Acer asks softly, putting his hand back in his lap.

"You said you'd never hurt me, but I said I never want to hurt you." I whisper.

"I'm confused." he admits.

"I don't want to hurt you guys, but I can't promise you that I won't." I confess.

"No one can promise that, Jason. I was wrong to even say that, because no matter how much you love someone you can't prevent hurting them." Acer places his hand on my knee. "But that won't keep me from trying not to." 

"I mean physically, Acer. I mean really hurt you." I snap. "Like I could kill you."

His eyes widen at my words and he retracts his hand from my knee. I look down at the stone between my bent knees. There's silence for a long time. Neither of us knowing how to address the other.

"So since you know I love you." I finally break the silence. "And you know I never want to hurt you, you also understand why you and Booker need to be away from me."