The Silence of Insomniacs

Chapter Nine

Mellifluous

There are certain moments in life where you never feel safer than you do right then and there.

It can be when your mom is reading a book to you while you are tucked under cotton sheets that smell of fresh lavender. Or it can be when you're with your best friends in a pillow fort at two a.m. and you're trying to be quiet but can't stop snickering at each other. Other times can be in a small nook in the school library; in the middle of a lake; the back of your dad's car as he sings R&B while driving into the oblivion.

Truth be told, none of those have ever felt safer than in this moment right here – with Oliver. We are in the back of Noah's truck, wrapped in a thick, plush blanket, cramped in the back seat.

Oliver holds me close to him, my cheek against his calm heartbeat, his hand running through my hair, and nothing but a fuzzy silence surrounding us. We don't move, we don't talk; we just hold each other close, too scared to break the walls we have caged ourselves in; soaking in the pool of lost feelings that have drowned out over the last five years.

Oliver begins to hum softly, his eyes still closed, breathing still even. It's a sad song that matches the atmosphere around us. I shiver.

"Cold?" he asks as he tugs the blanket over my body and pulls me closer to him. I smile, kissing him on the chest, feeling the warm skin beneath the thin layer of his t-shirt.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say and Oliver shifts so we are lying beside each other, face to face. He smiles at me and nods.

"Anything, Tessa. You know that."

"Why didn't you come to me or Noah when you got back?" The smile falls from his face as he takes a deep breath, his body visibly tensing up.

"The truth? I figured you two hated me," he says, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Why would you ever think that?"

"I don't know. Because I left without saying anything. Because, as Noah said, I 'broke your heart.' I hurt you two; I know that much. I was a coward, Tessa, and I'm sorry."

"You think you broke my heart?" I whisper, feeling my heartbeat in my eardrums.

"Did I?" He asks. I don't know how to answer, so I just look at him, willing him to understand my unspoken words. He nods slowly, looking away from me. "Tessa, you are the last person I'd want to hurt. God, even at thirteen, even now, it's always been you. To think that I hurt you all those years ago kills me and I don't know how to make it up to you, if I even can make it up to you, because, Tessa," he pauses for a beat, "I lo–" I stop him, placing my finger on his lips.

"Don't say it. Please," I beg, my voice shaky. Oliver doesn't respond; he just looks at me, studying every detail of my face. He leans in, hesitantly brushing his lips against mine. His lips are colder than they were a few hours ago – and sadder. He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him until we our chest against chest and I can feel his heartbeat against mine.

"Tessa." My name slips from his lips and onto mine in a feather of a whisper. He shifts, again, so he is now hovering over me, leaning on his forearms as he presses his lips back to mine.

My hands slip to the rather warm skin on his back, and he groans, as if pained by my touch. His tongue slides into my mouth as I run my fingers through his hair. "I missed you so much," Oliver whispers as his lips move to my neck.

I stare up at the ceiling of Noah's car as I bite my lip to keep any sound that is threatening to escape. "You have no idea how much I thought of you while I was gone. No idea," Oliver continues while moving to the other side of my neck, his hand coming down from where it rest above my head to grip my hip tightly. "Did you ever think about me?"