If I didn't care

CHAPTER 7 "rose tinted glass" (Luisa)

I was tired. 

So fucking tired of all of this. I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted to be stronger. To be repulsed by the very sight of her. To hurt her like she hurt me. To scream, to cry to do something, anything. But every time she looked at me it felt like I was falling for her all over again. When she held me I couldn't let go. I had missed her so much and now that she had finally decided to show up I couldn't face her. I didn't want to be that person before. Who was so reliant and co-dependent. Pathetic. 

She tried to kiss me. Slow and careful as if I was a lost lamb. Instead of just letting it happen I turned away. I couldn't fall under her spell again. I could feel the tears before I even realised I was crying. I didn't want to be used, I hardly wanted to be touched. But in her arms I felt so safe. It was the safest I had felt in such a long time. 

It was like she was a drug. And like the hopeless addict I was I just couldn't get enough. Craving her everything, no matter what the outcome was. 

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get her away from me before I did something incredibly stupid. I shoved her back against the wall, yelping as her arm grasped mine. She had a strange look in her eye as she backed away from me. Surprise? disappointment maybe. My stomach twisted into knots, I just knew she was about to do something terrible. 

"Rose... I-

WHACK. 

She viciously thumped her head off the wall. All I could do was stare. What the actual fuck was she thinking. She did it over and over, until warm blood trickled down her pale face. Eyes glazed over. I couldn't stand to watch her anymore. Grabbing her shoulders I shook her roughly. Trying to knock some sense into her. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" 

She was silent, watching as the blood dripped onto the floor. 

"Am I frightening you?"

"Yes" I replied exhausted.

"I'm frightening myself."

"For once in your life Rose listen to me!"

She blinked, processing what had just happened.

"I can't live without you Luisa. I need you please, I'll do anything but don't leave me. I can't stop thinking about HER I just need a minute please, please, please, please- 

"It's not about you! It's me! Not every little thing is about you. You live in a very small world where you can see no further than your own nose. You need to realise that you hurt other people. That the world doesn't revolve around you!"

Her mouth hung open, her lip trembled. I had her.

"But after all we've been through."

"Rose, people change. People break up and move on with their lives. Why couldn't you just let me go?"

"You're so selfish."

She laughed. My blood boiled as I glared at her. 

"What?!" 

Her eyes misted over, distant. 

"You're just like her..."