Disoriented, Vicious And Desperate Thoughts

A tour in my head

U know sometimes i think is it really worth doing things?
Like writing down all ur feelings and pouring out all ur emotions in a page
Trying to make ourselves feel better
I question myself every time I write a new poem
Im questioning myself now
I don't know
Is it?
Is it really worth doing these?
What will happen if I don't?
Suffer from these thoughts and then eventually eat them?
Or
Suffer from them and eventually kill my self?
U know i have heard that life goes on
But in my case it doesn't
Or it does but I'm just stuck
My "friends" say i look like I'm sad and depressed only because i read books way too often and spend time with myself or "in my head" most of the time
Or they want to be talked to and I don't talk with them that often
I tell them,when they approach me and ask what happened,that I'm very grateful they did so but why do they care? or why are they approaching me again and again even after i said im ok?
I appreciate it a lot but really,why do they care? Why don't they understand that i just don't wanna talk about it?
I don't really want attention or pity
Yesterday i was having a conversation with one of my friends and she said in the middle of the conversation that "we know ur having a hard time"
I wanted to tell her for gods sake stop it
Just stop it
But i can't cuz my fucking asshole can't take the risk of losing a friend
Life's hard and shit happens
Shits are overrated
But u gotta live it even when ur lost like i am.