Through The Dark || Harry Styles

19. LUCY

LUCY

"You know, too much caffeine isn't good for your anxiety, Lucy."

My mum's voice is shamelessly loud as she talks to me from over the pot she's stirring.

I want to tell her that too much of her isn't good for my anxiety, but considering Lola and I are at her house for the night, I bite my tongue and keep my sights set on my ride home tomorrow.

"Yeah, I have heard that," I tell her, my mind elsewhere, as I take another sip of my espresso.

"Has it been flaring up?" she asks like it's a rash that I can put an ointment on.

"Um, a little, nothing I can't handle though. How's yours?" I dare ask and as predicted, she scoffs.

"Very funny, darling. I'm right as rain, thank you very much."

"And I'm not?" I pick at the thread hanging from the hem of my t-shirt.

"Oh, you know what I mean."

My mum is dressed in charcoal cashmere leggings and a white, long-sleeved shirt dress that looks professionally pressed, her feet in black ballet flats that I wonder have touched pavement outside this house and her long blonde hair is neatly held back with a mother of pearl clasp.

Her house is nearly as austere as her appearance.

Beneath the smell of her incredible cooking, there is an underlying scent of bleach and cleaning chemicals. Similar to the way a hospital smells.

Clinical.

"How's Amy doing? I haven't seen her since..." Mum's words break off and her spine stiffens. She tries to shake off her emotional thoughts by smoothing down her already perfectly placed hair.

Mum loved Jake because I did. Although she always seemed a little weary about why he still partied so much or worked so late. I tried to explain to her that he had just taken a position in a prestigious law firm and fitting into their culture was part of making it in the company.

I think her issue was more about wanting grandchildren than it was about me sitting at home on my own, to be honest.

Now, she speaks about him only as an admin task, like he was never a real person. 'Have you notified the dentist about Jake.' Or, 'Did you cancel Jake's gym membership.'

"You haven't seen her since the funeral. It's okay to say, Mum," I reassure her and she resumes stirring the risotto without glancing back.

"Yes, since then."

I debate telling her that Amy has disappeared off the face of the earth and that no matter how many times a day I call her or text her, they all remain unanswered and have for weeks now.

I used to envy Jake's relationship with his parents. His family seemed to genuinely get along and enjoy each others company, always joking about what happened at work or teasing Hugo about whatever adventure he had got up to. Meanwhile, I sit through dinners with my mother with gritted teeth and a whole heap of small talk.

It wasn't always like this, but it has been for years.

In the absence of Amy, I wish I could tell my mum about what happened with Harry. I need advice and to talk to someone about how I'm feeling and what to do about it.

It's been two weeks since we kissed and although we promised nothing would change between us, things are still painfully awkward as we both process what the hell happened that night.

I'm confused and torn and I want to talk to someone who won't judge me, but that's not my mum.

"Amy's fine, nothing to report." I finish the last of my coffee and look to Lola for entertainment but she's busy with a bone outside.

I panic for a moment, my eyes glancing to check the gate is closed and that she is isn't chewing something she isn't supposed to.

"Great, maybe you could ask her to come to dinner next Friday?" Mum spoons the food into two bowls and takes them to the table that looks like it has been set for Her Royal Highness.

"Dinner? For what?" I ask, taking a seat and removing my napkin from its silver ring.

"We spoke about this, Lucy. You need to start writing things down, darling. Maybe you should start doing Sudoku or crosswords? Memory loss at your age could be a symptom for a range of things, you know?"

I exhale in annoyance. "All right, sure. So, next Friday?"

She puts her fork down, her eyes meeting mine and giving me a look like she wants me to think about the answer. I swear if she could tell me to look it up in a dictionary she would.

I shake my head and she sighs in disappointment.

"It's your birthday."

"Oh, right. Well, I already told you I didn't feel like celebrating this year, Mum."

I take a bite of my food and the flavour melts in my mouth.

Butter, saffron, parmesan.

"This is amazing," I tell her without thought.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Lucy," she scolds and can't help smiling to myself, thinking about Harry rolling his eyes when I tell him that.

"Sorry, Mum," I offer and this seems to make her happy.

We eat largely in silence, Lola smelling the food and rushing in after a while, but Mum hates dogs in the house. She knows I would never come over if she didn't let Lola stay in here so she puts up with it, unwillingly.

"Are you still spending time with Harry?"

His name, spoken out loud, catapults my heart into my chest as I try to gather my scrambled thoughts to answer the simple question without saying something that she might take in the wrong way.

Can she tell something happened? Does she know we kissed?

"Yep," I squeak and she frowns.

Putting down her fork she tries to read my reaction.

"I thought you couldn't stand each other," her condescending tone clear as day.

"He couldn't stand me, Mum, but things have changed, I guess."

"Hmm," she hums in judgement.

"He's on a date tonight," I add, the reality making my stomach swirl.

There is no doubt that Harry and I have been avoiding each other over the past couple of weeks, both of us making excuses not to have to be in the same room as one another.

He insisted he had to work late at the hospital at first and then I lied about having to put in extra hours with Claire with an E. I told him I was at my mum's tonight and he admitted to going on a date with Sarah Cavanah.

The last excuse hurt more than it should.

We spoke on the phone a bit, but there was an underlying awkwardness that arose in my kitchen the morning after we went dancing that hasn't left.

"Really? I thought he would have a girlfriend, handsome boy like that," Mum interrupts my thoughts.

She's prying, I know her well enough to know that.

"Nope."

"Maybe you should set him up with Amy?" Mum takes another mouthful but her eyes stay firmly planted on me.

"I suggested that, but he's not interested. Not his type."

"I see."

I shovel risotto into my mouth so I don't have to answer another question and we go back to eating in silence while I think of all the ways I can keep my mind off Harry and his date with Sarah tonight.

A/N:

hmm, like mother like daughter? or do you think Lucy is different?

and harry is where?!

VOTE if you are enjoying it!

Love Ruby

x