The Flame (Avengers Fanfiction)

73-Stayin Alive

It was the first actual doctor's appointment for the baby growing inside of me and I was a wreck. My leg was bouncing up and down and my eyes kept going from the shitty daytime talk show playing on the TV to the hallway that leads to the various checkup rooms. There was pregnant women all around me, their spouses holding their hands. Big stupid smiles all across their faces as they held their husband's/wife's/girlfriend's/boyfriend's hands. Their hands rested on their stomachs and the couples whispered happily to each other.

I fucking hated it.

I was the only one alone. No one held my hand. No one whispered to me. No one went to get up to get me a paper cup filled with water. No one kissed my cheek. No one smiled at me. No one cared. So I sat by myself, reading some stupid magazine that I was on the cover of. I was trying to distract myself, distract myself from all the disgusting affection around me. This magazine claimed that some unknown source had seen me getting cozy with Sam Wilson. Jokes on them because I really haven't left my house since the funeral and I'm not getting cozy with Sam. Unless you call being squished in between Sam and Bucky while forcing them to watch Game of Thrones cozy. Okay it is slightly cozy but it's not the coziness the magazine is hinting on. I don't think I'm ever going to get cozy like that with someone again.

A month. It's been a month since we buried Steve. Three months since Natasha and Tony died. Three months since my family was last whole. It has been a hard month. Full of sleepless nights, nightmares, and appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist. I've been trying. I really have. Bucky and Sam have been trying their best to keep me happy and I'm extremely grateful for them, but that doesn't stop me from missing the three people I lose. Everyone else got who they loved back and in return, I lost the three people I love most in this world.

"Mrs Stark-Rogers?" Once of the nurses call out, pulling me out of my thoughts. She was standing in front of the hallway while holding a clipboard. Everyone's head whips towards me, realizing who the hell I was. I toss the magazine onto the table and stand up. I follow the nurse down the hallway as I try to ignore the whispers that start up once they think I can't hear them anymore. She weighs me and takes my blood pressure before leading me to a room. I pee in a cup and then they drain me from a few vials of blood. I know the routine, practically an expert in it. I'm already laying on the little bed when the doctor, Dr Garcia, walks in. She was my doctor for the later half of pregnancy with Benny and for the pregnancy that happened after. The brunette was awfully sweet, almost enough to give you a cavity.

"Morning, Peyton. How are you feeling?" She asks with a smile as the ultrasound technician comes in to set up the machine.

"I'm feeling okay. Dr Andrews sent over my information right?" I ask almost nervously, wringing my hands. Dr Garcia smiles at me and nods. Why are you so nervous? Everything is fine. He's moving constantly and you would know if he wasn't fine. He's fine.

"Yes, he did. Your anti-depressants pills are fine to take during your pregnancy, we are just going to lower your dosage, but they should be just as effective. Now, shall we take a look at the little guy?" She asks cheerfully and I nod, carefully lifting up my shirt so the technician can spread the cold jelly all over my stomach. The lights get shut off and the technician starts moving the wand thingy over my stomach.

If Steve was here, he'd be holding my hand. His leg would be bouncing up and down. He was always anxious when he came to the doctor's with me, more nervous than I usually was. But he isn't here. There isn't anyone sitting in the seat beside the bed. It's just me. Those thoughts disappear when I hear my son's heart beat. I look at the screen, at my son. My eyes soften and it's like all my troubles float away.

"There's your baby boy. Look there's his hand-he's waving at us." Dr Garcia jokes and I laugh softly. There's a lump in my throat-which is aggravating. I've been crying way too much and I really don't want to start crying now. You should be here, Steven. You should be holding my hand.