enchanting | WN

repeat

MONDAY, April 29th
"Hey, Elle. It's Mitch, if you haven't seen that already. Um.. I called, you probably saw that too. Please, just text me whenever you feel ready to, okay? It doesn't have to be any explanation of what's going on, I'm good with something simple. I hope you're okay, and that whatever's happening in your life right now will be solved. Okay, that's-"

"Mitch, who are you talking to?"

I shiver as the second voice comes into the voicemail. Even though I've been replaying it a million times, I still react the same way. William's voice feels like a knife made of velvet to my heart.

It's like a pleasing kind of pain, an addiction that makes me replay it again. Hearing his raspy voice makes every single emotion of hurt more obvious, but temporary fills a part of the big hole inside of my chest.

This voicemail in particular, is old. I've already sent a message to everyone that left one, letting them know that I'm doing alright and that I'll explain more once I come back.

I've visited my dad as soon as the visiting hours has allowed me to. Even though his health is stable now, we haven't said much. It's such a contrast to go from accepting your father's death, to being able to see him all healthy just days later.

I guess that parts of me still haven't understood that he's fine, though that's probably since I know that it will all happen again. His medicines will stop working, and we'll be in the same situation as many times before. This wasn't the first time, and won't be the last either. I'm terrified of that last time, and that it's getting closer for each day.

"Mitch, who are you talking to?"

"You know exac-" And that's where the voicemail ends.

I wonder what was being said after that, but am thankful that Mitch decided to hang up instead. I know that William is mad at me, just like I'm mad at him, but he still means a lot to me. After Mitch hung up, William probably said things about me that wasn't too nice, and it would hurt to hear. It hurts just to think about what could've been said, that's why it's better to keep it a mystery for now.

At least until I can handle hearing it without falling apart completely.

"Hey, Elle. It's Mitch, if you haven't seen that already. Um.. I called, you probably saw that too. Please, just text me-"

"Can we talk?"

I stop the voicemail, my hand removing away every single tear from my cheeks. Shifting in my bed, I can finally see my brother leaning against the doorframe. "About what?"

He shrugs a little, keeping his arms crossed as he slowly makes his way towards me. "I don't know," Logan says, sitting down beside me. "About everything.. or nothing. I just feel like you need to talk to someone."

I don't answer him, just keep my gaze on the wall in front of us.

It's not very easy for me to just open up about things this fresh, he knows that so I don't really know what he's expecting right now.

"Have you spoken to Naia, or Cole?" He asks, pretty much begging for a conversation.

"I texted them, said that I'm here."  I sigh, hearing myself that I sound very fierce.

I know that it's not right to take out my anger on Logan, he hasn't done anything wrong. Plus, he's not really sitting here for his sake, he always go to Camila to discuss his problems. Either they just had a huge fight, or he's here for me. And let's just say that they never argue.

"I get that you don't wanna talk right now," Logan says, fixing his messy, light brown hair in a swift motion. "But can you please explain why William isn't here with you?"

I sigh, pulling my knees to my chest in a way to keep myself together, as if I'd fall apart otherwise. "I've already told you. He was busy, and didn't want to come."

"But you haven't told me why," Logan continues quickly, probably knowing what my previous respond would be. "No one would actually leave their girlfriend to travel alone, after finding out that her father's condition was critical."

A few tears leave my eyes as I try to keep the rest inside.

The things William screamed at me five days ago still echoes in my heart, but I still miss him. I miss him, or at least what he made me feel.

"But you never told him.. right?"

My view gets blurry as I gently let my head fall down to Logan's shoulder. I don't really have to respond to his statement, he knows that he's right.

"So," my brother starts again, this time a little lower. "Will you talk to him once you come back to Toronto?"

"I don't know if I want to," I say, opening my eyes after keeping them closed for a minute. "I met a new side of him when we argued.. It actually scared me a little, to not recognize him at all. I know that he was devastated after the game, but-"

"He hasn't got the fucking right to take it out on you."

As I take my head up from Logan's shoulder, I spot his jaw being very clenched. It actually seems like he's about to explode any second now, though he probably won't even make a sound as Ava's asleep next door.

Sighing, I shake my head a little. "I'm just scared that the new part of him is bigger than the one I fell in love with."