Everything I'm Not (GirlxGirl)

18. Old Flame

"Because you would've done everything to help me. And if there was no other way, you would've chosen to come with me." She meets my gaze. "And I can't let that happen."

I manage to utter one word. "Why?"

"Because then, the wrath of my dad will come knocking on your door, involving you, and your family." She shakes her head. "I can't do that to you."

"And all of this," I make a gesture with my hand. "You couldn't spare a minute to tell me before you left? You left me with nothing. You didn't say goodbye, didn't leave a note, not even a text. What did you expect me to do, Jan?"

"I know what I did was selfish, but I was young, and it was all I could think of. I told myself that I will only go back to you once I've established a name for myself. That way, no one can get in the way of our love anymore."

I steel myself. "And if I say I don't love you anymore?"

"You wouldn't have kissed me back if you didn't." She takes a step closer and my breath hitches. "I know you too well, Alex. You may hate me, but you never stopped loving me—not once."

The truth in her words scared me. After all those years, a part of me still longed for Jan hoping that one day, she'll come back to me.

I feel my anger slowly fading—replaced by a fleeting sense of disbelief. "You think I'm going to take you back, just like that? You show up, tell me the reason you left, and accept it just like that?"

"I know it's a lot to process, and I don't expect you to understand right away. But a chance is all I'm asking for—a chance to right my wrongs." She takes my hand, kisses it gently. "I know I've been gone for a long time, but I'm willing to make up for it for the rest of my life." She leans in, cups my face, and gently presses her lips against mine.

The solid anger I've held onto turns into sand, slipping from the gaps in my hands. And just like that, all those years of hatred vanished into thin air.

Butterflies explode in my stomach. The feelings I've had to suppress for the past years are pounding on the walls I've tried so hard to build. My knees buckle, and I allow myself to fall into her arms.

I don't know what happened, or how we ended up in my bed. But I do know one thing: I don't want to stop.

I am bathing on her scent—different, but nonetheless intoxicating. An arm snakes around my waist as she deepens the kiss. I clasp my hands at the back of her neck. I had no idea how much I missed her until this moment. Her lips, her kiss—everything.

Jan pulls back. She's breathing hard when she looks down at me from the bed. She takes my face into her hands, slightly brushing my cheek with her thumb.

"I love you so much." She whispers, and I see the sincerity in the forest green eyes that were boring into my soul.

I've loved her for so long I don't remember a time when I didn't.

"I love you too."

And we're kissing again—this time, with urgency. She licks my bottom lip before her tongue invades my mouth and my heart is about to explode. She traces a finger down my spine, making me arch my back.

Janelle's hands found their way to the hem my shirt and in one swift move, tugs it over my head. She starts kissing my collar bone, slowly making her way down to my chest.

Her kisses send my body into a state of frenzy, the way it always did whenever we make love. It's been so long since anyone's held me like this—since anyone's held me at all. She unclasps my bra, letting them fall to the floor.