"Not our fault Lukes fat." (UNEDITED)

*Chapter 4* I'm latching onto you

LUKES POV

The boys and i all shuffle out of the hotel room, there is a cafe/restaurant thing downstairs in the lobby of the hotel so i assume we are just going there.

"Okay we can go now" Calum says once he has made sure the door is properly closed
Ashton smiles at Cal and moves his attention to me, he looks me up and down, which causes me to wrap my arm around my stomach which lately feels like an automatic reflex

"I love seeing you in my clothes, you wear them better than me" Ashton says reaching down to hold my hand in his, i look up at him once our hands are intertwined, i cant help but smile a bit at our hands before the bad thoughts come back.

Hes just saying this so you'll eat and they won't have to go through the trouble of getting another singer

I shudder at the negative thoughts which seem to be swimming around in my mind right now, but then Ashton is rubbing his thumb over my knuckles and my whole body just deflates with the negativity.

"Come on baby lets go get some breakfast" He says with a smile, his dimples proudly protruding on his cheeks, which makes me smile a bit.

I look towards Mikey and Cal and see them both staring at us with small smiles engraved on their faces, they quickly shuffle when they notice us looking and Mikey takes the chance to move us all along towards the elevator.
Cal presses the button to summon the metal box to take us down and its all fine and good, until i look over to the side and see the 'steps' door, the urge is overwhelming to ditch the elevator and run down the steps.

DING

I look over towards the boys and see them all making a move to get into the empty elevator but i don't move, i stay glued to the floor my eyes set on the nicely polished door. I move to look towards Calum when he says "Come on lukey the elevators here.." Cal says moving his hand as if to usher me into the small room, i tear my gaze away from him once again before i let my head drop to the floor.

"G-guys can i t-take the stairs?" I say keeping my head tucked into my chest waiting for their reply. I can hear a sigh come from someones mouth and i can't help but look up at see Calum whispering to the boys before he steps forward, "Okay Luke i'll walk down with you okay?" I nod my head at him eagerly, happy that they understand that i need to do this and that i can't be completely normal.

"Thank you" I say to Calum as he opens the door to the steps for me, he just smiles and waves goodbye to the other boys in the elevator as their doors close. As we start the long journey down the many stairs Calum stays in front of me, i'm guessing its because he doesn't want me to go really fast down the stairs and push myself.

After about 4 minutes of silence i decide i need to talk, "I'm sorry Cal" I say as he makes his way quietly and slowly down the stairs, he looks back to me and slows down even more (if that was even possible).

"Its alright Lukey the boys and i w-we understand you're not going to be full healthy, b-but we just want to make sure you don't get really bad again, you understand?" I look at Calums face and nod my head stiffly trying to keep all the tears in, i've cried enough to last weeks from last night.

"I know and i-i'm trying to stay alright b-but its so hard Cal.." I say leaning my body against the narrow stairway wall.
I see Calum nod and slide down the wall to sit on a step just below me, i take a shaky breath and bring a hand up to run it through my messy hair. "Its so odd Cal, i-i feel like im crazy! i can feel all of the bad thoughts coming back a-and i-i'm so scared because i-i don't want t-to get bad again!" I wail out at the end of the mini burst, i can't deal with getting bad again, its too much and i know how sad the boys get and i can't hurt them again, i just can't.