Langst One-shots

I'm Fine

TW: self harm, depression, suicide attempt

Sorry for slow updates :/

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   My hand seemed to just move on it's own, running the sharp blade across my arm again and again. I could feel the cool touch of metal followed by a pinching feeling and then burning.

   Any normal person would stop, but I couldn't. I needed this. I deserve every amount of pain that comes my way. I exist to hurt myself. If I know how useless I am, it won't sting when someone else says it.

   Well not as much anyway.

   I finally come out of my trance and gaze over my scarred arm.

   I deserve this.

   Some blood dried into little balls, some of it was dripping down my arm.

   Sighing, I get a cloth from under the sink and wet it with cold water.

   I wince as the fabric cleans my skin.

   I then wrap bandaged around my arm and clean my blade. After putting on my jacket I realized I was late for dinner.

   I don't bother putting on a smile as I sit down at my seat. I guess Hunk noticed my mood.

   "Are you alright, Lance?" This causes everyone to look at me.

   I lift my head to look at Hunk.

   "I'm fine." I give a small smile. Why does it hurt to smile?

   Hunk nods and everyone hesitantly resumes eating. The room was quiet except for the soft clinking of tableware every now and then.

   I can't help but to drift away into my thoughts.

   They don't care.

   They hate you.

   Just die.

   They want you dead.

   I could feel my eyes watering so I quickly excused myself and put away my plate.

   Why won't these thoughts stop?

   I run into my room and fall on my bed, already sobbing. I'm such a failure. Hunk asked how I was out of pity. I'm dragging the team down so much.

   I should just die.

   All these thoughts swirled around my head, more and more tears falling until eventually I pass out.

   When I wake up it's already morning.

   I groan and go straight to breakfast, not bothering to straighten my hair or hide my bloodshot eyes. I didn't even put on make-up to hide my freckles or bags. I was just too tired.

   I heard someone audibly gasp when I walked in.

   "Didn't realise I was that ugly." I dryly chuckle before taking a bite of the space goo.

   "Its not that-" Keith cut himself off.

   "Lance, do you need help? You look tired." Allura softly questioned. She knew what war could do to a person.

   "Did you cry? Your eyes-" Pidge started.

   "I'm fine, really. Its just an off day." I stated.

   Even though they were trying to help, it felt like they were trying to corner me and trap me in a cage full of false reassurances. I wanted real relief.

   They act like I've never heard them talk about me when they think I'm not there.

   Without even finishing my food, I leave the room without saying anything.

   As if under a trance I walk into my room and grab my bayard. 

   Real relief.

   I point the trigger to my head.

   I'm on the ground.

   Someone is hugging me?

   My bayard now on the other side of the room.

   "Keith?"

   "What the fuck, Lance!?" He sobs.

   The others trickle in and look at the scene in front of them.

   "We need you! I need you! Just let us help! Please!" Keith's voice cracks and he hugs me tighter.

   I hug him back and start crying too.

   Soon enough the whole team is hugging me and I realise that it wasn't false reassurances they were offering, but love and support.

   Maybe one day I really will be fine.

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I'm big tired and kind of just played scramble with the words in my head and made this lol

So its not good but um oof ig

Well byee I go sleep now