ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ➻〚𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙤𝙩7〛

Flashback: That Damn Closet

Total lies. I'm not even the slightest bit okay.

My delivery of those words came out even more unconvincing than if I tried to convince them that Mark is American. Obviously, none of them are buying it, subsequently making my anxiety skyrocket as they frown even more intensely.

"Whatever you say, Nana," Jeno replies passively, squinting at me suspiciously, "No need to be all defensive, you know."

"Jaems, if you're telling the truth, that's fine, but you should know that you can tell us anything. Really. Because we don't want to see you... like this," Mark motions to my slightly distraught expression, reminding me that I can tell all of them anything.

And that's true, but nevertheless, I don't know how they'll react to the news. Ugh, why am I so stressed over this? If I'm truthfully comfortable in my own skin, I should be able to proudly announce it to them, and they should be supportive because they are my best friends.

Laying his pen and paper to the side, he scooches up next to me, wrapping an arm around me. I freeze up for a second, then relax into his embrace, because it's just Mark, after all. Though my stomach is still doing backflips, Mark's embrace starts to calm and neutralize my destructive nerves, and I truly begin to feel some comfort with him by my side.

His comforting, assuaging body language and his uncritical, sympathetic gaze with his big, bright eyes showing concern and love for me makes me drop the armor that's been constraining me and hiding my vulnerability. I feel safe, cooped up in my bedroom with the six people whom I love the most.

Jisung sidles up to me on my other side, sensing my discomfort, trying to provide me with some support. My troubled expression melts into a dreamy smile as I take hold of the younger boy's hand, as I have a particular motherly affection for him.

The other boys drop their work, moving up to be closer to me, completely aware of the fact that I'm not feeling too well, and as they come closer, I begin to feel so damn loved. I don't believe in the unscientific, but it's as if their comforting, safe, and loving auras are permeating the small room and supplying me with so much reassurance and support.

"Please tell us if there's anything wrong, Jaemin. I hate to see you like this," Mark whispers so quietly that only I can hear, "I love you so much, Jaems, and all of us will always be here for you. Always."

And I realize something. If they really are my friends, they'll love me no matter who I am or who I love. It's now or never, and I better tell them when I still have the guts to do so.

Breathing deeply, I brace myself to reveal my deepest secret, "I-I guess I do have something to tell you all... There's nothing wrong, it's just that--"

"You're dating someone? Who?" Chenle interrupts, his puppy-like eyes staring up at me curiously. I laugh at his interjection like a loving mother, fondly looking at the younger boy. Ruffling his hair affectionately, I shake my head 'no,' and he looks disappointed.

"It's just, well, it's about who I may date when I'm older, Lele," I tell him, smiling reflectively.

"What is it, then?" Haechan asks slightly impatiently, though not obnoxiously. That's my Haechannie. I'm at least happy that they're still acting like their normal selves while I'm getting ready to tell them about my bisexuality. It makes the atmosphere less tense and a lot more comfortable for me.

"I guess I might as well cut to the chase... I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to both boys and girls, and I'm proud of it. I hope you all are still proud of me and will continue to love me."

I close my eyes for a few seconds as it feels like I'm being relieved of a ten-ton iron weight. Pride begins to overtake me, and I feel accomplished that I faced this head-on, and confidently told my best friends my truth; who I am and who I love.