mary. [ BILLY HARGROVE ]

li. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

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play video when italics start

     Mary sat across from Eleven in her room, tears in her eyes at what Eleven had told her. The girl didn't want everyone else to know, so she pulled Mary aside for a minute to tell her what she'd seen in Billy's head. Mary had her arms crossed over her chest, and she was leaned back in the chair while Eleven was sat on the bed. 

     "Am I supposed to wake him up?" Mary asked, her voice soft. "The same way we did with Will?"

     "I don't know," Eleven answered softly, her voice still hurting from screaming. "I don't think I would've seen it unless Billy wanted me to tell you." 

     "Could he do that? Tell you something in his head while you're there?" Mary asked, heart pounding inside her chest. 

     "He can show me," Eleven said. "And that's what he showed me." She looked down for a second, then reached into her back pocket and pulled out the letter. "He gave this to me." Eleven extended it to Mary, who stared at the paper confused. "It's for you." It was the letter Billy had written before the Mind Flayer took full control. Mary slowly took it from Eleven's hands, reading the first two words. 

Dear Mary, 

     She clasped a hand over her mouth, leaning back in the chair. Eleven stood, placing a hand over Mary's free one. Mary looked up, then stood and hugged Eleven tightly. She returned it, shutting her eyes as tears streamed down Mary's face. 

     "Thank you, El. So much," Mary whispered. Eleven nodded slightly, the two then stepping back from each other. Eleven gave her a light smile, then turned and walked out of the room to give Mary some space. She opened the letter again, looking down to those first words again.

^sorry to interrupt, but start the video^

Dear Mary, 

I'm sorry. This thing inside of me, this shadow, it took me the night we were supposed to meet at the lake. I wanted to tell you, I tried so hard to tell you. It wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me. He made me think I did horrible things to you, and I did them to other people. 

But I'm not here to tell you about that. I wanted to say goodbye one last time. 

Mary, doll, baby, I love you. I need you to know that I love you, I really do. No matter what happens, no matter what I do to you, it's not me. Tell Max that, too. And the others. I knew you would all get involved at some point. Anyways... here we go. 

For a long time, I was angry. Only because of my old man and my mom. My dad hurt me and my mom, she... she left me. So, I was angry, all the time. I couldn't stop the rage because it covered up the sadness I was feeling. But then I met you, and I realized that being mad at the world didn't help me. It only hurt me. 

When I first met you, I'm going to be honest, I really thought we were just going to be a one and done deal. But when you didn't throw yourself at me (not to be cocky or anything but it's true), and you kept your distance and acted as if you wanted to be friends, I knew something was different about you. It was a good different and I liked it. Hell, I loved it. 

I still do. That's why I never let up. I never stopped pestering you in class, I never stopped trying to show you how good I could be to you. I never stopped loving you, either. I never stopped wanting you. I needed you because you made me happy. For the first time in a long time, I was happy. 

When we first kissed, that's when I knew. I knew you were that one person I had been searching for my entire life. That one person that could love me the way no one else could. Not my dad, not Max, not those other girls at school, not even my mom. Yeah, she loved me, but she left me. She broke my heart. You... You could never hurt me. 

And you only did once. For a while. It was back in March when all of that happened. Mary, I was broken. After you closed your window, I sat on the ground below and hummed Elvis to myself. I was forgetting what you felt like. Everything about you. 

I couldn't remember your laugh. I couldn't see your smile in my head, or the feeling of your hands wrapped with mine. I couldn't hear your voice and how happy it usually was. I couldn't remember what your arms felt like wrapped around my neck or my waist. Or your hand gently placed on my thigh while I drove. How you'd gently run your fingers on my forearm. I couldn't remember what it felt like to kiss you anymore. Or your singing. That was the worst one. 

But that's what I get for loving you with every ounce of my being. I love your eyes, your smile, your hair, your touch, your words. The way you place your hand on my thigh while driving. Your arms wrapped around me protectively. Your voice. God, your beautiful, beautiful voice. There's nothing in the world that could make me change my mind about loving you. I don't think I can. 

I guess loving you is just a part of me now. 

No matter how much I say I love you, you won't know how much I truly do. I'm in love with every part of you, every single thing that makes you you. Now, I know you're probably crying by now, so I'll save you the rest of the pain. By the way, it's okay, baby girl. Don't cry, just... Check the trunk of your car, there's something there for you. It's a surprise. 

Mary, there's nothing past, present, or future, that I would put in front of you. Doing what I'm about to do, it's not about saving myself anymore, it's about saving you. All of this that is going to happen is because I need to protect you. But if I can't do that, and he does make me hurt you, then I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry about everything I've done while he's taken me. I'm sorry about hurting you, and your friends, and possibly even your family. It's not my fault. 

Maybe if this all goes right, we'll get the life we want. We'll move to California, get ourselves through college. We're going to get married, and we're going to have kids, and a stupid white picket fence house. With a dog, and we'll take our kids to the beach every weekend. You're going to be a musician, work for some place local. I'll be a mechanic, and we can be happy. Okay? We're going to be happy. 

I love you, Mary. Never forget that I love you more than anything in the world. More than the stars, and the moons, and all the galaxies out there. I would never put anything in front of you, I hope you know that. I couldn't put anything in front of the girl who saved my life. I could never love anyone else but you, and I don't think I ever will. You're forever mine and I am forever yours, dead or alive. 

Love, 
Your boy
Billy

     Mary took a moment as she let her arms drop. Her eyes were full of tears, and she had no words for what she just read. She couldn't think of anything to do, or even how to react. Her eyes landed on the paper sitting on the desk across from her, and she pulled the chair over that way. She grabbed a pen, and began to write. 

Dear Billy

-----

i can't believe 
i just
did that
to you all
please don't kill me
a lot of thought went into this note
i had to write from billy's perspective
it's not easy

anyways, i hope you all enjoyed. 
three chapters left
+ epilogue
be prepared children