Jaan-E-Mustafa

SIXTEEN

So, he went towards her and cupped her cheeks wanting her to break out of her trance. He didn't cared, he was getting wet along with her but he needed to stop her from uttering those things about her.
She was in pain because of him and seeing her in this condition was making it hard for him to breathe.

He patted her cheeks lightly and tried calming her but it was of no use. She was not responding to him. So he started jerking her shoulders and said

"You are not a cheater.. you heard me.. you are not a cheater.. please look at me for once.. I am sorry for saying those awful things to you... Please....look here.."

Her trance was broken after she heard him and she forcefully pulled away from him and angrily said

"Don't touch me.. you have lost every right to touch me..I am repulsed looking at you..go away, I don't want to see your face."

He was gobsmacked with her words but he knew he deserve it, but he tried again

"Mujhe maaf Kar diye, us sab ke liye jo Maine aapse kaha tha. Mujhe pata hai, ke mere maafi maangne se kuch badal nahi jaega, par main aapki maafi hasil karne ke liye kuch bhi karunga. Main jahannum tak jaane ko taiyaar hu aapki maafi ke liye. Main apne gusse par kaabu nahi Kar paya, jab main aapko us Zaid ke saath dekha. Mujhe laga ke main aapko kho dunga. mujhe maaf kar diye. Maine Jo bhi kaha Mera wo Matlab nahi tha. main  har wo saza qubool karne ko taiyaar hu Jo aap mujhe dena chahti hai. Par please mujhe maaf Kar diye."

(I am sorry for what I said to you. I know my sorry won't heal anything, but I am ready to do everything to ask for your forgiveness. I am even ready to go hell and back just to ask for your forgiveness. I lost my control when I saw you with Zaid. I thought I will loose you.I am really sorry. I never meant those things I said.  I am ready for every punishment you want to give to me but please forgive me.)

"Maafi maangne ka koi fayda nahi hai jab uska koi Matlab hi nahi hai. Maafi galtiyon ke liye maangi jati hai, gunaho ke liye nahi. Aapne mujhe tod Diya hai. Aapko pata hai abba mein aur aapme Kya fark hai ? Abba ne mujhe kabhi bhi apni mohabbat ke dhoke mein nahi rakha,  lekin aapne ne to mujhe mohabbat ke dhoke mein rakhke mujhe maar hi daala. Aisi mohabbat jisme yakeen ki buniyaad na ho, wo mohabbat nahi, wo sirf aur sirf mughalta hoti hai.
Aap kehte hai ke aapne wo sab kuch gusse mein keh diya, aur aapka wo Matlab nahi tha, toh main aapko yeh Bata doon, insaan gusse mein hi apne dil ki baat bol deta hai. Aur rahi baat aapko saza dene ki, toh wo main aapko nahi de sakti.Mujhme itni takat nahi hai ke main apne dard ko Kam karne ke liye kisi dusre ko takleef dena shuru kar doon . khaaskar wo insaan jisse Shayad mujhe mohabbat ho gayi hai.Maine faisla Kar liya hai , ke main ab ek pal bhi aapke saath yaha nahi reh sakti.chinta mat kariye, main sirf ye kamra choddh ke jaa rahi hu. Main dobara apne room mein shift ho rahi hu. Aapko Jo theek lage wo sabse keh diyega. Main  kisi ko kuch jawab dene ki halat mein nahi hu. Main ab aur dard bardasht nahi Kar sakti."

(You don't have to say sorry when you don't mean it. You say sorry for mistakes not for sins you have committed. You have broken me completely. You know what is the difference between you and my father ? My father never put me in dark, he never told me that he loves me, whereas you made me believe that you love me and then killed me from inside.
And if you don't trust the person you love, then it's not love, it is just an illusion.You say you said everything because you were angry and didn't mean what you said then let me tell you a person always speaks truth when he is angry. You are telling me to punish you then sorry I can't.I can't punish anyone just to reduce my pain. Specially that person maybe with whom I have fallen in love with.I have decided that I can't live here with you even for a moment. Don't worry I am not leaving you. I am just shifting back to my old room. You can tell anything you want to everyone. I will not be able to answer anyone. I can't endure more pain.)