Why can't I write out my feeling?
I'm so used to the words just flowing freely from my mind.
I'm used to knowing what I want to say - what I want to do.
Now all I know is that I'm aching to express myself somehow.
I need to figure out a way to release all of this pent up frustration and pain and self hatred.
I want so desperately to be there for the people I love, but I feel like I'm drowning beneath the surface of my emotions with no way of staying afloat.
I need to find some way to break the surface and reclaim the air - the joy - the peace - that I so desperately crave.
I try so hard to swim, but I keep sinking below the water, consumed by my depression, by my sorrow, by my hatred.
I am trying so hard not to hurt anyone and to not hurt myself, but the sad truth is I always find my way back to a razor.
Somehow, no matter how good I get or how great my life is, I always find myself with a razor to my skin while a million thoughts race through my mind and out through the cuts on my hips, on my chest, my shoulders, on anywhere I know I can hide.
For whatever reason, I never regret what I do to myself; I only regret the pain it causes other people.
I can dig into my skin and watch the small river of blood pouring down my thigh, and I feel nothing.
It doesn't hurt.
Not anymore.
I cut and I cut and it doesn't do anything.
No pain.
No nothing.
All I am doing is punishing myself for the sins I cannot control.
I can not control my thoughts or the way I scream at myself in my head or the need to claw at my skin.
YOU ARE READING
Private Thoughts of a Depressed Teen
PoetryThis is just a collection of poems I've written throughout the years. Yes, I know most of them suck. Yes, I know almost all of them are personal. I'm just putting these up because I feel like maybe some people could relate them and feel a little les...
