when the seasons change

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i know i'm getting bad again,
i can feel it with every article of clothing
i add to the growing piles
on my bedroom floor.
i can feel it burying itself in a
pit in my stomach.
i can feel it with every shaky
breath that forces its way out.
i can feel it with every tear hitting my pillow.
i can feel it with every shiver down my spine.
i want it to leave as badly as i want to stay, because leaves aren't the only things
that fall in autumn.

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