Who Will Fix Me Now? » fransykes

Snuff

Love. No. How can I be in love with someone I just met? How can I love someone at all?

It's not in my nature to love anymore. I did once, i loved my family, my friends, my girlfriend at the time. But there was no point. There's no point in believing, in accepting, in giving love, because everyone gives up. Even if they don't mean to, even if they don't even know they're doing it. They'll leave in someway, whether it's dying, or changing, or betraying you. And personally, love is a wasted emotion, because nobody fucking means it anymore. People will go around saying 'they love this' or 'they love that', when they're wrong and over-exaggerating. Also every mother fucker on this planet, is just a self-centered prick, that would sell someone out to save themselves!

So, I find it hard to believe I'm in love with Joshua. But what's this feeling, these butterflies, this sensation of, happiness whenever he's near, even if he's shouting at me. If it's not love what is it?

My brisk walk down the halls, turns to a gentle jog, until I'm skidding around corners. I check through every window, every door, that Josh could possible be.

I want to apologize. For what? Who the fuck knows!

I stop dead in front of his door. My knuckles hovering over it, ready to knock. My eyes squeeze tight, as I think about what to say.

Taking a deep breath I knock loudly on his door. My hands fold behind my back and I rock on the balls of my feet to the heel, my breathing trying to be steady and relaxed.

The doors swung open. Josh stands there in all his glory. My face breaks into a smile, and it actually reaches my eyes, which hasn't happened in such a very long time, this smile was real, genuine, this was the Josh effect.

I did not care if that kiss in the garden didn't mean shit to him. It meant something to me. And I wanted, no needed it again. Within the spit second he had opened the door, my hands clasped his cheeks and pulled him towards me.

His lips my new drug. At first he was stiff and shocked, I think. But soon I felt his hands grip my hips pulling me deeper into the kiss. This moment of compete bliss, soon interrupted. A gentle, awkward cough sounded from inside his room.

Lisa stood by the doorway of his bathroom, a towel wrapped around her naked body. "Sorry" Her voice was raspy and dry, like she hadn't spoken properly in quiet a while, or she has screamed too much. "I was w-wondering if I-er could borrow s-some of your clothes, Josh?" She stuttered not looking at us and only the floor.

Josh looked around frantically and pulled my roughly into his room, slamming the door behind. "Yeah sure" He went over to his drawers and started rooting through, finding the best suitable clothes for her.

I sat perched on the end of his bed, twiddling my thumbs. A huge awkward tension weighted over us. Lisa's eyes roamed constantly around the room, not looking at either Josh or I for even a second, her legs were crossed over, more than likely feeling self-conscious. Josh gave her a pair of his joggers, a baggy top and some of, probably, Abigail's underwear. She timidly thanked him and went back into the bathroom.

Josh turned around and smiled at me. His persona turned almost child-like, a cheeky school boy perhaps. We stayed in silence, a comfortable silence, enjoying each others presence. He sat on the bed next to me, we watched the snow delicately fall. Now that I think of it, this is the longest we've gone without a insult or shout towards the other.

Lisa re-entered the room. Fiddling with the bottom of the t-shirt. Josh moved closer to me, pushing me a tad closer to the edge, and patting the space next to him. Lisa glided over and sat down. All her movements seemed to be like she was treading on eggshells constantly, causing me to feel like I was treading on eggshells around her.

"Oliver, I think you should go" Josh said almost reluctantly. I wasn't surprised or offended at his remark, I could tell Lisa was feeling uncomfortable, and I think a second male in the room was just making it worse.

I know it was nothing, but Lisa had sunken slightly into Josh's side, their hands clasped together. She was staring at his lap, but for all I know it could be his crotch, waiting for me to leave, so she could pounce. No, Oliver!

I nodded solemnly. I pressed a cheeky kiss to Josh's cheek. He tried to hide his smirk and blush but failed miserably.

"I'll see you at dinner?" I asked. He nodded and I let myself out.

 I entered my room, and flopped onto the bed, wishing away the seconds to be with Josh again.

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Title: Snuff by Slipknot

Sorry it's such a short chapter for one. Also sorry I've not updated this or any of my other stories, in what, about a week.

I've had quite a hard week, and I'm sure you don't really give a fuck but I'm going to tell you anyway....

If you read the chapter of the story I posted last, the author's note was talking about my dad. He's been having a rough patch with his girlfriend and feeling quite depressed, so his behaviour was effecting me, so I've been feeling more depressed than I usually am. Also it feels like this week has dragged soooo much. Also I've only just joined my Business class, and I should of done like four weeks ago, but my school is shit, and took ages to get everything sorted, so I'm way behind in that class, and I've been stressed about that so my teacher has given me soooo much work for that. As well I'm stressing over my Art course work. Stressing over my History test that's coming next week. Stressed about my chemistry test that's coming in a few weeks. And stressed about my English test that's coming in a few weeks.

But apart from that I'm going to see Asking Alexandria in 14 days, Halloween! and I'm fucking buzzing!

Sorry for the long Author's note, if you did or did not read it!

Song on the side...even if you don't like Slipknot (is that even possible?) you like this song. And if you don't like this song, you're lying to yourself. I chose this song because near the beginning of the chapter and went along the lines of the song, where is says 'you sold me out to save yourself' Which is some of my favourite lyrics EVERRR!