Pen to Paper [N.H.]

Chapter Ten: Inscription - Home

I just don't feel like saying anything. Because I don't know what to say. I don't want to say something wrong. On one hand, I enjoy having him around and he makes me happy so I don't really want to let go. On the other hand, I can't help that feeling at the back of my head saying, don't get too attached, he's not gonna be here for long. I guess feeling this struggle inside me, I kinda understand what he was going through before, and I understand the feeling of panic and the need listen to that voice screaming at you "Get out! Get out of there before it's too late!" But do I listen to it? Or do I let my heart get what it wants and feel happy for a while? Is it worth it? Am I happy enough that the possibility of getting hurt is less important?

'Hey, Ni?'

'Yeah?'

'When we get to London...'

'Yeah?' He asks again but with a worried look.

'Maybe we don't tell people that we're together?'

'How come?'

'I just don't feel like answering a hundred questions about what happened and listening to their opinions whether I should've or shouldn't I have given you another chance. Not everyone would understand and right now I really don't want to feel judged.'

'You mean you don't want to tell your friends so that they won't give you trouble about it. Yeah, it's fine. It's just weird since you don't usually hide anything from them. But if it's what you need I support you.'

'Yeah but also your friends and everyone else.'

'Why? What's wrong with telling my friends? You don't have to deal with them.'

'Well, the fewer people know, the fewer chances of the information leaking on the internet. If they find out from the internet rather than from me it's gonna be even worse for me.'

'Alright. But are you sure it's worth all this trouble?'

'I just need us to be just you and me right now. I can't deal with everyone else getting involved.'

'Alright. Whatever you need.'

We get to London, we take a taxi to drop me off at home. I check the time, Izz should be home by now. I tiredly make my way to the front door, unlocking it with my keys instead of knocking to avoid social interactions as much as possible. I just want to lay down on my bed. I lazily greet her from the doorway of the sitting room and then go straight to my room.

She comes in silently laying next to me, her on her back, and me on my stomach.

'So? How was Paris?'

'Good. Finished all I had to do, reconnected with my best friend from there. But you know all that we talked every day on the phone for an hour.'

'Yeah but you've kinda been M.I.A since Saturday. How did it go with Niall?'

'Fine I guess. We worked together on the missing pieces of the book.'

'So you didn't fight? Didn't make up?'

'Neither. We're just civil towards each other. "Friendly" but not really anything.'

Yeah, I just lied to her with a straight face. But I'm too tired to deal with everything at once.

'And is he okay with that? He didn't even try to be friends?'

'It's not up to him. Of course, he tried and he doesn't like it. But he accepts it. Because, well, there isn't much he can do.'

'You sure you don't want to give him another chance?'

'Izz, I'm sorry but I'm tired. I think I'm gonna have a nap.'

'Alright. Hope you feel better soon!'

I wait till she leaves, I grab my phone and text Niall.

'I miss you...'

'I miss you too, darling! Come over.'

'Not now. Maybe tonight? Or tomorrow.'

'Why not now?'

'I just want to take a nap.'

'Take it here!'

'It's fine Niall. I'll just see you later.'

'Are you okay?'

'I don't know. I haven't decided yet.'

'Well... Sleep tight.'