Nixon

Chapter 7

I stare her right in the eyes, the grip on my duffle bag tightening. "I would never steal from you." She doesn't say a word as I step around her and leave, slamming the door behind me.

I go straight to the garage, pressing one of the many labeled buttons on the wall. The garage is more of a showroom, filled with flawless vintage cars that have been restored to perfection. Dad has been collecting them for years. I bypass my car and go to my black and red GSX-R instead. No one on campus knows me by my motorcycle except Seth and it blends in better than a two-hundred thousand dollar GT-R. I grab my black helmet off the seat and put it on. I drape my duffle bag across my back and mount the motorcycle, the garage door behind me fully open by now.

I tuck the kickstand up, start the bike and ease out of the bay. It's been a while since I've ridden but I can already feel myself relaxing by the time I exit the gate of my family's estate.

On my way to my penthouse I make a detour down a familiar road, my heart aching as I park. I remove my helmet and leave it on the seat, stuffing my cold hands in my pockets. My duffle bag grows heavier the closer I get to the marble headstone. Just seeing her name engraved there gets me choked up, Knox Marie Hyze. I crouch down and press my forehead against the cool stone.

Why wasn't I the one with the mental health issues, why did it have to be her?

Her mental health declined because she stopped taking her medicine due to a misunderstanding. I wish I could go back and change my reaction to Taylor being there, tell him right away who I was to Knox, somehow fix everything so we could have her back.

I just want her back.

How is it I did drugs, sold drugs to addicts, worked with the Italian Mafia, and yet here I am alive but my little sister is dead? If I could trade her places I would. I cause more harm than good. It wasn't fair for her to suffer when her heart was so pure while mine is riddled with sin.

"I'm so sorry, Knox." The words leave my mouth in an agonizing whisper. "You're probably watching me from wherever the hell we go when we die, ready to kick my ass. I've done some stupid shit. I know if you were still here you would have given me that look, the one you used to give me when I acted like an idiot. Like when I told you Seth and Sasha had started dating. You gave me that look, smacked me on the back of my head, and asked me why I didn't just go for it with her."

I suck my bottom lip in my mouth. She was so mad at me for not talking to Seth about it. She was adamant he would understand but I didn't want to talk about it, I was too busy feeling pissed and betrayed.

I shake my head. "I don't know why I didn't take your advice, it definitely would've saved a lot of heartache. I think I was just mad that she actually went out with him when she and I had been hanging out by ourselves for a few months. I thought we were cool. Why do girls have to put fucking labels on everything?"

Seth didn't really know, no one knew. I don't know why I hid my relationship with her when I was fully in love with her, maybe that's why. I was the quarterback, the guy every girl in school chased after, I guess I wasn't ready to let go of that. Maybe I wasn't in love with her then?

Do I even know what the fuck love is?

I trace Knox's name with my thumb. "I miss you. I bet you're raising hell wherever you are. I guarantee you'd be doing nothing but great things if you were still here. You always loved cars as much as I did, you'd probably be the one running Dad's company when he decides to retire." The thought brings a smile to my face, she was the only teenage girl I knew that could stick her head under the hood of a car and actually know what she was doing. Kelis likes the visual aspects of cars but she was never interested in the mechanical aspect like Knox and I were. Knox may not have been biologically my Fathers daughter but sometimes I think he loved her more than Kelis and I.