a fallen angel | tyler joseph

five: ruby

i walked into the music room, looking for tyler but he was nowhere to be found. 
   "hey josh, have you seen tyler anywhere?" i ask the boy with the bright yellow hair.
   "no, sorry," he replies looking down at the drums.
with no luck, i walk out of the music room and wander around the ward in search of tyler but no one seems to know where he is. 

just when i am about to give up looking i see him sitting on the windowsill overlooking the city. the glass is practically unbreakable and has bars on it which makes me feel like we're in a prison.
i hate this place so much, i feel like i'm being suffocated here with the stupid routine of getting up and doing the same thing each day. 
i suddenly realize that i'm staring at tyler and look away but i can't help myself and look back at him. i notice the soft curls that fall loosely around his face and the warm flush of pink in his cheeks. he's so perfect. i barely know this boy but there's something about him that draws me in. he's like an unopened book that is calling my name but i cannot read it.
as i'm studying him, i notice a dark figure that seems to stand over him. tyler doesn't even notice the dark figure as it turns toward me. it has no face but two small blood red eyes stare straight at me. i begin to tremble with fear as this figure begins to walk toward me but i refuse to give into this fear that seems to brew inside of me with each breathe i take. 
      "scared are we little ruby?" the figure taunts me.
i open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
       "save your words, pathetic human. you're nothing compared to me. i see all your fears, i see everything. i know everything about you. you're a liar, ruby. you're a worthless liar and everyone knows it." it replies
        "ruby?" tyler says but i am lost in the figure's eyes. the deep pits filled with that awful crimson colour reminds me of everything bad.
i sink to my knees, giving into the words of the cruel creature and despite my efforts i can't drown out the flood of memories that seems to come into my mind.
     

!!!!! trigger warning : rape !!!!!     

    "hey slut." caroline comes up to me.

         "excuse me?" i reply confused.
         "oh you know, what happened on saturday night with matt after my party."
         "what do you mean? he took me home because i was drunk."
then she leans in to whisper "i know you're a dirty little whore, he told me everything that you let him do to you and how you enjoyed it all. everyone sees you as innocent little ruby but i see through that facade. you're nothing more than a dirty whore and everyone will see it too."
i look at her with fury and sadness in my eyes and slap her across the face.
          "i don't know what the hell he said to you but none of it is true! you must believe me! all i remember is him taking me home and i passed out in my bed! caroline, you're supposed to be my best friend."
          "whatever ruby. i know what happened but it seems that you don't want to admit it to yourself." she says, then walks off to a group of girls i've never seen before.
i suddenly realise that everyone is staring at me and pointing and gawking at me. i run into the bathroom and look the bathroom door behind me. i desperately try to remember what happened on saturday night, to tell myself that what caroline and matt said aren't true. if i would've had sex with him i would remember, right? deciding that i need to take a deep breathe and go and talk to matthew. i run my hand through my hair and take a breathe, then i walk out of the bathroom and go straight to him. i tap his shoulder and when i see his face it all comes back to me.
my struggle to get him off me and him pinning me down. the hunger in his eyes as i pleaded him to stop what he was doing. the delight that spread across his face as i squirmed and screamed. the pain of him inside me and the feeling of being sick as i desperately awaited for this moment to be over. 
as i watch him smile innocently at me, the word rape rings over and over again through my brain