Band X

Chapter 16: Flexible Bones

I slowly get up from my bed and stand in front of her. "No, you're not bugging me. Maybe a little bit, but-"

Isabelle opens her mouth to object but it's my turn to hold my hand up. I'm hoping it'll make her stop and listen for once. Not that I can blame her for always trying to talk over me. I kind of let her. I was OK with it at first because I usually feel super awkward when I talk to people so it was a lot easier to let her just take over the conversation. 

But it's different now. Now I feel a lot more comfortable around her and I also feel like I actually want to say something. Anything. Just so she'll shut up and actually hear me for a change.

"I want to sing on Saturday. I really do. I just don't know if I can. Or if my mom will let me." I stop talking and sigh. "I just don't know anything."
I feel lightheaded and sick back down on my bed. The lunch my mom made me eat earlier starts to rise in my throat and I feel like I'm on fire from my chest to my mouth.

Isabelle is standing over me with her mouth hanging open. She starts to say something and stops. I think that this might be a miracle. Isabelle actually seems to have run out of things to say. She slowly walks over to the window and stares outside with her back to me.

I have a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't think that I'm going to like what Isabelle has to say when she turns around to face me again.

She's still looking out the window when she starts talking in a hushed tone. "I kind of thought this would happen. Or at least I was afraid it would."

I'm starting to shake. I'm not sure why at first but then I realize-I'm scared. Scared of what she's going to say next, scared of losing the only real friends I've ever had. Scared of giving up on a future that now includes people I care about, a guy I could love, and maybe even a career as a singer. I'm not good at anything else, but I can sing. I can't lose my grip on that dream. Not now.

"What are you afraid of, Isabelle? What have you been thinking?" My words rush out of my mouth and seem to hang there, waiting for an answer.

She finally turns around and when she does, she looks different. Hard and cold, not like my friend, but like someone I don't even know.

"I wanted this to work out, Carter, I really did. I thought that when you came home from the hospital that maybe you'd be able to sing with us again."

Again? What does she mean again? Shouldn't she be saying that I'll still be singing with them? 

Isabelle starts pacing slowly back and forth in front of my bed. She's shaking her head in time with each step and when  she speaks again her voice matches the coldness in her eyes.

"You're my friend but this, this is my life. Being a musician is the only thing I've ever wanted to do." She laughs, a tight, choking sound. "Let's face it-I'm not an artist like you. I have this one thing. This singular thing that I can do. That I love more than anything and I'm not going to give up this chance."

I finally find my voice and ask, "More than anything? More than the rest of us? Me, Thomas, Eli?"

She looks down at the ground and nods. I finally get the message and I can't believe what I'm hearing.

"So, if being a musician is more important to you than anything, even us, what are you going to do about the battle of the bands if I can't sing?"

She doesn't answer me for a minute and I feel like I'm going to pass out. At first, I think that the POTS monster is after me again but I realize that it's just fear of what she's going to say next. Cold travels up my back, rippling up my neck, making my head feel numb, like it's fallen asleep.