What is he hiding?...

18. What can I say? We are all afraid of the unknown.

                          What can I say? We are all afraid of the unknown.

"To Elizabeth,

I'm a guy, but please do not judge me. Please don't give on me just yet even though I have given you a million a billion reasons and mistakes to give you every right to.

I'm not going to tell you that I'm not shallow, because I am. I know that I do check out those "hot" girls and history would prove that went up to them for those reasons alone. Although I know you want to hear different, I'm not going to promise that I will never hurt you. Because chances are is that I will just end up hurting you over and over again. And don't believe me when I say that I will never let my jealously take over me. Don't believe me when I tell you that I will never ignore you. And don't believe me when I say that you will always be my priority to spend my time with.

I can't tell you that the tears that shed from your eyes will never be caused by me. I can't tell you that we will never fight and that you will never lose your trust in me. I can't tell you any of these things because the truth is that I'm not perfect. Every stereotypical remark that you can think of a guy would be a description of me. I admit it.

But please don't give up on me yet; at least until you hear what I have to say.

I'm shallow because my eyes deceive me into thinking I'm falling for someone. But believe me when I say that all I'm looking for is that one girl whose beauty in the inside doesn't deceive my heart. And as many times as I hurt you or break your heart, please believe when I say that I say I'm truly not trying to. I know that I make stupid mistakes over and over again and will hope and wonder why you are still there over and over again.

And if any guy comes near you, of course I will feel jealous. No, not because I don't trust you. It's because I'm scared you will finally figure out that I don't deserve you and find a someone who will treat you better. I'm sorry for the times when I ignore you and don't spend time for you. Truth is that I've taken you for granted when I shouldn't have. I know my stupidity will cause you to cry which will always break my heart even when I try to act like it doesn't. I know my pride will make me fight with you even when I know I'm wrong. And I know you will lose your trust in me as I continue this cycle of making mistakes.

I'm a guy. I know I'm not perfect. But the only promise I can give you is that I will love you. My stupid actions and mistake may not show it all the time, but I do love you. So please don't judge me. Please don't give up on me. I'm a guy trying to be better to treat you right. I'm just a guy who is in love with you; who needs you in his life even if I don't deserve you in it.

Remember? This was the first letter I sent you. I hope you never forget it and keep it close to your heart. I really do love you, Elizabeth. I always have, always will.

I know I made a mistake to leave you. I will always regret it; I didn't want to be that guy, I didn't want to hurt you. Please forgive me, so my soul can rest in peace.

From, Just A Guy.

January 31st, 2002."

The thing that stands out the most its the date.

It has the same date of the suicide letter. Alex's suicide letter. The one he sent my mom.

But the bizarre thing is... It was sent the same month and day, but a year later.

Coincidence? Maybe...

I stand from my bed when I hear the door next to my room close. I knock it several times and get in when I hear her answer. I help her get in bed and lie beside her.