What is he hiding?...

14. Can't promise that things won't be broken

                  Can't promise that things won't be broken , But I swear that I will never leave

"Do I sound stupid if I tell you that I want to stay like this forever?" I ask looking over at James , his eyes are closed and he's moving his head in rythm with an Ed Sheeran's song. His fingers are running circles on my bare stomach.

Oh don't get this wrong, our kiss didn't go that far. James took me to the beach today, now we are relaxing in the sand under an umbrella listening to our favorite songs.

"Yeah, a little bit." He sits up and pecks my cheek.

"Jerk." I push his chest playfully, the same chest my head has been lying on for the last twenty-two days. I love to be in this position, his large arms around my small body and my head in his chest listening to his heartbeats. Cheesy much?

We go everywhere together, now that Kira is out of the picture. After the kiss that night in the park , we went back to Lulu's party and we danced close to each other the the beat of the songs "Charlie Brown" by Coldplay and "Feel So Close" by Calvin Harris. I felt infinite, like I was dreaming and everything was perfect, I felt like ... I was on the highest cloud and no one could bring me down. From that day on I feel like my life is getting better , nothing can go wrong now that I have James , my boyfriend. Yes, I said it, boyfriend.

When we went back to dance, Lulu told us that Kira left after saying that she left something for James in his bed ( A letter maybe?) . Lulu sent me a worried look, since we knew way more than we should about Kira, and again i couldn't help but feel bad for her. James just nodded and never told me what she left. I shouldn't be worried about it, but I am. To be honest I am going crazy. Sometimes I ask him about Kira , but he just shrugs and changes the conversation.

"You know," I start " sometimes I want to die , I want to see the people that would care, the ones who will miss me, and the people who dont care." I look straight ahead to the waves that are crashing but I can feel his eyes all over me , and when he opens his mouth, I want to take back everything I said.

"Sometimes … " I look over at him , something sad and angry, clouded is in his eyes , " I just want to die, not to see the people that would care , but just to die , to be finally free."

I take his hand and start to play with his fingers "If you do I'd miss you." I whisper moving closer to him.

He bits his bottom lip " Would you come with me someplace, I want to tell you something."

I nod silently, smiling at him.

After 35 minutes in his car , I see the familiar sign that says "Landtoon's Graveyard" , I look over at him , but he keeps looking straight , his face inexpressive.

"I-I brought you here with me because I want you to know something I have never told anyone." He says kneeling down in front of his mom's grave.

"Okay." I say quietly , putting my hand in his shoulder to show comfort.

" I-I, " He pushes the ground, " I killed... her." he whispers the last words.

"It was an accident James, you already told me this." I brush my hand over his wet cheeks, wiping away the tears that have fallen.

"No it wasn't!" He stands up looking down at me furious.

I lick my dry lips to make the words come out " I know , it's hard to believe it wasn't your fault, okay?, but it wasn't James."

"You weren't even there!" He shouts.

"I know , but you told me about it and I believe you."

"What if I lied to you?"