God Only Knows

Ch. 6

After I made a complete fool of myself by allowing a movie to trigger me all I want is to know in my heart completely that I'm safe, and that he isn't going to hurt me again. Mom tells me again and again, but it feels off. She fully means her words, but somehow now that I have physically met Amelia, my birth mom, I need to hear it from her.

A few days go by normally, with me making the trek to college and Emmy working her tail off as a manager in the city's best coffee company. She definitely loves it, but I miss the times when we could just sit and be with one another like sisters, the times when I didn't feel uncomfortable going and waking her, it Nancie and Scott if I had a nightmare or needed a cuddle.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop not too far from the hospital trying to do homework while not overdosing on caffeine when my phone rings.
I recognize the number as one I have seen but can't place, so instead of taking a risk and answering I let it go to voicemail and continue studying. At about three o'clock I decide to call it a day with trying to study, my shoulders ache from carrying my bag from shop to shop and I'm just plain exhausted. Driving home the twenty five minute ride feels like hours, Sparta greets me as I pull in and all my worry about Amelia fades. Emmy gets home around 5 and being that Scott and Nancie won't be home at all this week Emmy breaks one of the unspoken rules and orders food for us. We eat Chinese, watch movies, and snuggle into the early hours of morning. I wake up scrunched onto the sectional, my head bent into a weird position and so tense I grumble at my mistake. My vision clears up and I see I have yet another missed call, I check my voicemail and see the same number as before and listen, expecting a spam call or something. My eyes well as Amelia's voice comes through my speaker. "Hey baby cakes, it's been a few weeks, I'm wondering if you want to go for coffee? I thought I saw you at the shop near the practice last week but I wasn't sure. I want to get to know you sweets, even if it is slowly. Love you."

I freeze, unsure of how to respond to such a sweet message. With Emmy already at work so the house is empty yet I still suppress my heart needs. It's already 9 AM, that isn't too early to call, right? Even if it just got to voicemail at least I tried. Struggling through the process it takes to press call, once I do it only rings three times before she picks up. "Ryleigh! I was worried you would never call." Our conversation is simple, nothing special or out of the ordinary. We set a time to meet for coffee at that overlooked cafe near the hospital the next day, and for once I feel a jitter of excitement. Mom comes home around 2 from her week long business trip, I want to tell her about my plan but she looks emotionally exhausted so I don't, even though the news bounces around my insides like tiny sparks. I snuggle close, resting my arm across her chest "M-Mom?"

She sits up quickly, startled by my whimper, gently taking my hand and pulling me in to rest on her chest she asks me "What was it you wanted to tell me sweetie?" How am I supposed to tell her without her getting upset? "M-Mama. I-I'm going to have coffee with Amelia tomorrow." I hardly get the words out without becoming a puddle of tears. The look of pride that surfaces on her face is a relief that floods my heart instantly.
"Oh honey" Mom kisses my head softly, smiling ear to ear as I begin to unravel all that it took to get to this point. "I'm so proud of you."

After I finish class for the day, I head to Common Grounds and wait for Amelia. The flutter in my heart is so fast I hardly catch my breath, now I know what it feels like to run a marathon. I'm about to order my go to drink, an iced caramel latte with cold foam when Amelia waltzes through the door and stumbles into me, dropping her purse and scattering her cards everywhere. I reach down to help as she mumbles frantically
"oh my gosh I'm so-" she snaps her head up and locks eyes with me when my curls brush her shoulder"-Ryleigh" she sighs scrambling up from the floor and embracing me in a tight hold. I shift uncomfortably but try to not let her see it all crumble, her green eyes sparkle in the artificial lighting of the shop.

We sit near the front in a booth, one of us on each side, awkwardly trying to attempt small talk before addressing the elephant in the room. Amelia breaks the ice with questions first, ones I've answered 15 times but still questions that stall having to answer personal ones. Eventually she asks a question that causes my heart to flutter as I feel a blush creep up my cheeks.
"How do you want me involved in your life?"
My words spill over before I really know what is being said, all I know is that the security and deep longing I have wanted and felt disconnected from in many ways are beginning to come together with her. How do I tell her that she's everything I have dreamed about? That just her soft touch replaces so many of the memories I have stored up. We talk for what feels like hours, between the changing angle of the sun and the bustle of the coffee shop I know it's been at least a little while. The fear leaves easier than I thought it would, even with the small amounts of anxiety clinging to my heart I don't feel so vulnerable. She asks me about school, and Emmy, how it feels knowing about me now, if there are things she can do. I mostly respond with shakes of my head, talking still gives me butterflies.