A Huge Mess.

19* Love.

Love.

Or Like.

What is it? What does it feel like?

"It's the feeling you get when a particular person makes you feel at home and you want to be closer to them." I say.

"It's when you think: 'This is it.' The fleeting feeling of happiness- may it be only for a few months or years- it makes you feel so close to someone else." I say.

How do I know when I like someone?

"When you feel a rather strong emotion compared to how you feel around your friends or your family. A new feeling of joy towards a specific person." I say.

But it's kinda stupid

Because I, myself, don't know that feeling.

I'm not trying to be super edgy but

It just feels so... empty.

You know, maybe I do like someone

but I'm just not sure what to feel, which is why I keep denying it.

Sounds stupid, huh?

Liking someone but you aren't sure because you don't know what it's like to have that feeling.

Maybe I'm just so deprived of love.

I love my friends, but I don't know,,,, they used to have their significant others or are still getting that girl/boy they like

While I'm just... here.

I'm too dependent on them.

Yeah, I tell them what I really feel.

But honestly? I never really told them much about stuff like this.

Because I keep saying "Oh studies should be a priority right now." "High school isn't the best place to find what you're looking for."

I keep pushing it away, saying I don't really like anyone.

And they were hesitant, but believed me.

I painted a stupid picture of a person that doesn't feel a particular emotion.

Yeah, I used to say I liked someone

but it was either a lie or just because I thought they looked really nice- but I was not intending on being closer to them.

OH- I'm not saying aromantic people are dumb

I'm saying I'm dumb because I don't know what to fucking feel

And it's not like there are much people are interested in me either so :/

I don't know,, I want to experience,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

holding someone's hand,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dnfjfdk im getting a little uwu

no but really

i want to know that feeling

I just can't,,,,,,,, i don't know

this is so confusing

I barely cry or show really heavy emotions in front of my friends

yes, I do have emotions,

but love? It's just so......... empty.

I'm talking out of my ass when I tell people how it's supposed to feel

But I don't even have those feelings myself.

It's so dumb.

Love is so stupid

I'm right fucking here and it dont see me