A Huge Mess.

17* Existentialism.

I thought I could escape the heavy existentialism, the pondering of death and the afterlife n all that

But it just

It doesn't go away?

We live our life every day.

Oh! You spend your time with this, you spend your time with that

And time just,,,, goes.

It doesn't stop.

But one day

You,

Me,

Anyone,

Everyone,

Will stop.

Time won't stop, but we will

And it's just

It makes you wonder why we're alive.

"We're alive because we have a purpose. An individual purpose. And we spend our life to find that."

Yeah but

We just

Go.

In the end,

You may have accomolished this, you may have done that,

But it'll just.

Be gone someday.

You'll die and

People will forget you.

"Oh but people like this and that are never forgotten."

Yeah

But are we those people?

No.

"That's why you have to strive to be the greatest."

The idea that everyone is better than me in anything that I do is stuck in my mind and I can never believe in anything more.

"Because people are better than you, doesn't that make you want to work harder?"

No.

I don't want to be better.

I don't want to be worse.

I don't want to do anything.

Confidence is a bliss.

It's almost fake.

You may have received a trophy, a medal, a certificate, or whatever, but you just think,

Someone's still better out there.

Smartest person in the world!

No, this is the smartest person in the world!

No, this is the smartest person in the world!

Everything is temporary.

You name it.

Life, money, love, recognition.

Everything will run out one day.

We will run out one day.

We just sit here and suffer.

Suffer with the idea of favoritism of other people.

Suffer with the idea of being the top student.

Suffer with the idea of dying alone.

Suffer with the idea of nothing matters.

Life's pleasures is just what keeps us going.

Food, money, sex, parties, drugs, materialistic things, entertainment, etc.

But that still doesn't cover the fact that it'll all just end.

"I'll remember this moment."

You won't when you're dead.

Everything here is wasted.

What's that? You made this essay? And it was rewarded as something?

Too bad.

That paper will be torn or be lost or gone.

When you grow up you'll probably see it as the only time you got recognition.

What's that? You made a song? You made a book? You made something?

When it all ends, everything is just wasted.

It's hard to be special in a crowd of billions of people.

Nothing will matter.

Nothing will ever matter.

All your thoughts, emotions?

It'll all be gone and forgotten.

There's no point in relishing any of your ideas.

Songs you listen to? Stories you read?

It'll all be gone.

It'll be gone and there's nothing you can do.

We're all just fucking suffering in this hellhole.

We're all going to die and none of it will matter.

Whatever I'm typing right now won't matter once I'm fucking dead and buried under.

Nothing matters.

This fucking sucks.

This is so fucking edgy please delete me-