Again

ten

N A G I S A ' S P . O . V

~

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and then Karma-kun's 15th Birthday came.....

That day is first time I saw Karma's parents. They love Karma-kun I'm sure of it. They moved his room to a much bigger one so we can throw him a party. Karma-kun keeps glancing to his parents and they kept looking away....

..Maybe their guilty ?

He already said it's fine that's it's inevitable but they just sat there with blank face..

This family is so broken.....

I heard Sensei talking to them as they said that they won't bear another child when Karma's like that....they have a chance but they won't because they failed him.

A parent should never outlive their children they said as his mother cried her heart out. They're really alike.....Like Karma...they want to keep what they feel most about.

He never had seizure in front of us...I don't know how he can control it but I know he doesn't want to appear weak. Kishitani-sensei always informs us about his condition. Every seizure and blinking out..he even told us how he's afraid to have children.

"This world's really unfair" he quote. "Many adults are wasting their life , if only they could look at him and see what they are doing."

Exam came in and Karma aced it all and topped the school and for the first time.....the principal didn't put pressure on us and Asano-kun stood up for our class.

He also knew...but one thing that I really missed is how Karma-kun ran and jumps around , punching people. He can walk and run but it's not the same till the time that he can't anymore. He just sits there in his wheelchair and sleeps or space out but we never told him.

He looks troubled enough.I can't imagine the pain he's in.....He doesn't want medication because he said he needs to think clearly...Karma-kun..

...Are you Okay ?

"Karma-kun , is everything fine ?" I asked suddenly because for some reason Karma's acting a little weird .....

He just sat there with a soft yet sad smile on his face..I never heard his voice this day.

"Why wouldn't I be ?" He asked still smiling

"Karma-kun" I said sternly like a threat

"Is that a threat I heard Nagisa-kun ?"

"Why don't you just tell us ?!" Nakamura shouted

"It's nothing"

"Like hell it's nothing ! Even an idiot can see that something's wrong !" Terasaka snapped.

"An idiot like you ?" Karma teased

"Don't change the topic !" Terasaka blushed as Karma snickered "Just tell us won't you ?" Terasaka said a lot calmly.

"I told you it's nothing" he insisted but no one believed him as we all looked at him suspicious and disapproving .....he sighed.

"It's just that.....you see.....it's my last day of school today."

What the ?

Why ?

"I'll be on bed arrest or so that's what Kishitani-sensei said."

"Karma-kun...." He looked at us with tears eyes as he started to speak.

"Many people are either envious of me because I'm strong , smart and not to mention good looking or despise me so much for not using it the way they want me to but.."

" Look at me now.....I'm weak and vulnerable..... so much I look so pathetic....where did that talent go ?.......Where did that so called gift given to me when I was born ? I'm just a normal dying guy." He looked at us.

His eyes shining bright as tears fell from his eyes.

For so many times , he's our StrongHold.

The very reason as of why we didn't give up yet and seeing him like this. Forced to give up.

Breaking down and confessing himself.

I can't do anything to stop his tears but let my own fall down.

"It's been so long since I have accepted my fate but...." he hiccuped.

"it's painful but it makes me feel alive ! Not fucking yet ! I want to stay here ! I want to see what's out there ! I want to feel one morning without fearing that when I wake up I have an illness that will take my life !!"

" I want to be able to live with someone without fearing that I can be the cause of their death !! To eat one day without drinking pills afterwards !"

" I want to be able to look forward for tomorrow or to celebrate my birthday !! I've never felt the excitement to my future !! I never dreamed because I know I can never achieve it !! I never loved my birthday ! Every year , every week , every month , every day , hour , minute or second I wish it would never come ! I want time to stop !" He swallowed hard as he tried to fight back the tears and steady his voice as he calmly started again.

" Why does people want to die ? " He asked as tears kept falling. "Look at me....I want to live....but it's almost time....They said that it's painful to live. That it look like God forsaken them.

"Bullshit !!" He yelled as tears escape more. "If that's the case then God's never been on my side !! When you die....It's not the pain that disappears.....it's your existence ! Even if it's painful...just a little more time I want to might be too much to ask to take this away and let me live for a few more years but just a few months or weeks is enough....."

We couldn't hold our tears anymore.

" This class made me so happy......An emotion that I've never encountered in my entire life.....I want to graduate...... i don't care about my future or high school ..... I just want to graduate....."

He said as he look up to us with his puffy eyes.

" I want to at least see you guys take one step towards your future and of course.....for once in my life....to be able to look forward for tomorrow."

After that......silence enveloped the room expect the sound of tears hitting the floor.......Why does it have to be him ?

He's right....

Many people commits suicide everyday so why does someone like him have to suffer like this ?

There's....there's nothing we can do.....

"Sorry.....hahaha....I didn't mean.....t-to cry in front of you." he laughed as he wiped his tears fiercely......

I immediately hugged him as tears came out like waterfalls.....

"Karma-kun , it's okay to cry.....it's okay....it'll be fine....Karma-kun thanks for everything......I'm sorry.....I'm so sorry "

"What are you apologize and thanking me for Nagisa-kun ?" Karma laughed as he stopped crying.

"I should be the one thanking you....remember on that Friday ?" He asked me as I shake my head.

"You did it for me a lot of times so I just repaid my debt back....Though I think it's still not enough." I said.

"What debt ?"

"Karma-kun , you forget important things don't you ?"