The Void of a Future King (mxm)

14. Confession and Therapy Session

I opened the door to the room where my confession would take place. In the middle of the room was the modern contraption; a door made of wood that reminded me of blinds with a small podium and kneeler. Next to the kneeler was a chair facing the priest. On the other side of the divider was the priest in a chair.

I went over to the kneeler first. My knees and went down on it, With my eyes closed and head bowed, I clasped my hands together in prayer.

I wanted to argue when Remiul told me to go to the grief counseling the church had, but I couldn't. For one, he told me to do so right in front of his family, so I couldn't go against him. In their eyes, he's above me, so I shouldn't test his power and authority. Second, he's already been too kind by letting me stay in his house, feeding me, and giving me everything I need. If this is all he asks in return, I can at least give him that.

That's why I was sat in a room with white floors, walls, and a white ceiling. The only decoration was posters plastered on the walls with pictures of Jesus with quotes and just inspirational quotes in general. For seating, there were two blue, fabric arm chairs and a coffee table in between them. The only thing that sat on the table was a bible.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."I began. It had already began to be hard to breathe. I took in as much air as possible and let it free. It came out strangled. I could still feel intense pressure on my chest.

"It has been a month since my confession. To be honest, I should've been here a lot sooner. That's among the many sins I have committed. I withheld my sin from god, pushing away his love. I'm here now to open up to him and strengthen my relationship to him."

I went to go sit on the chair, knowing I'd be here for a while. I could feel my throat tightening. I didn't realize how bloody awful I felt about not talking to god about this. All he wants to do is help me. I need to let him. I felt myself already begin to tear up.

"Let it all out. God hears you and is ready to forgive you."

"I can't get over the death of my ex boyfriend."I admitted as I rested my head against the top of the chair, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't look the priest in the eyes.

At first I thought it was stupid to talk to a priest about my problems. I knew they would be homophobic. The chances were high considering they worship god and live in this kingdom, a kingdom not known for it's acceptance. Whoever I talked to would probably just want to ship me off to conversion therapy or something like that.

"I cheated on my wife. I broke the sacred bond of love with her. I lied to her about it and lied to god. Now my feelings are confused. I kissed a man. I'm not gay, I love my wife. I was driven by lust, a dangerous one. It's not right to be with him."

"Why is it not right to be with him?"

"Why do you think you're feeling this way?''

His eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed.

"Aren't you suppose to be the one to tell me that?''I countered, giving him my signature smirk that I use on most people who try and get me to talk about my feelings. Sometimes i'll feel comfortable enough around people but other times, like now, I wanted to melt into this couch and disappear to outer space.

"Fine. If you don't want to talk about yourself than tell me about your ex. What was his name?''

"I... He makes me feel things. Things that I've never felt before and it terrifies me. The passion and dark desires are taking a hold of me. I want to do dirty things to him, things god will not approve of."I admitted to him, so tired of having to hold it in.