in love
what am i in love with?
there are simple things;
im in love with the sound of old records
how they crackle and feel so warm.
im in love with the rain on my roof
when it falls and feels like a blanket,
i feel at peace.
there are deeper things i adore;
im in love with music in any form,
how live music is a whole experience
with all 5 senses,
how local music events can go wrong but
in such charming ways,
the feedback, the mess-ups, the jokes.
im in love with performing,
being someone better.
making others feel, evoking emotion,
sharing the most vulnerable parts of myself.
and in love with the moments people tell me
it helped them.
im in love with the feeling of happiness
when i laugh with my friends ,
when im dumb with my friends,
like going to mcdonalds at midnight
or just existing and feeling belonging.
that is a family to me,
and even that family changes,
i wish it didn't have to,
but i love that family regardless.
im in love with her,
and let me just get soft here
about what i love about her.
her eyes that carry so many feelings,
how she likes the coolest music and movies
(and shares these with me,)
how thoughtful her gifts are,
how we read each other's minds,
how she stops to pick up berries on our walks,
how her face crinkles when she laughs and smiles,
how her voice sounds when she sings to me,
and also how her voice sounds when we joke together.
so many things you'd have to ask again
and you'd get more answers.
im in love with how i feel
more comfortable and safe with her
than with anyone else.
she is my best friend
truly a soulmate i'm blessed to have.
my friends, my love, and so many people
bring out the best in me,
inspire me
to be better.
i think my problem is im in love with so many things
but not myself,
the good thing is
im starting to
with time,
with work.
im just still in love with what was,
the life i had even a year ago.
the family i had,
at least
the family my youthful naivety comprehended.
trips to mexico, and disneyworld
laughing, smiling, being what a family is.
and im shattered to no longer have that,
that my view of both parents has shifted,
but i can grow from it
and i will become better than ever.
at least i hope so
i want to be in love with myself
so i will try to fall in love with myself
because there's good things about me,
good qualities,
talents,
i look decent sometimes,
i can be funny, or witty,
i am always caring,
and i have potential.
so let's not be so negative j,
let's grow,
let's watch us become
somebody
