the problem
is that
i don't feel
anything.
or i feel
everything,
but it's so
overwhelming
that i'm shut down.
im numb to
experiences
and it sucks.
i remember how eager i used to be
for santa to come to my house
to bring me everything i had hoped for.
now too many fights have happened on christmas
the wreath is wilting
the smiles end up as fake as the tree
last christmas i gave my parents a note,
a canvas picture of us,
the note said
'go team family in the next year :)'
i was naive and dumb
cause father left to pursue other girls
now i'm constantly zoned out and numb
i'm just depressed
i turn 17 next month,
im going into my senior year in a few,
done my junior year tomorrow,
but none of that excites me.
the zest for life is gone
when it comes to the things
that used to fill me with joy,
or anticipation,
or fear,
i just don't feel it anymore.
i want everything to change,
but i don't want to change it myself.
there's no motivation
sometimes i think im just
rotting away
