Pen to Paper [N.H.]

Chapter Six: Intermission - LA

It's been a difficult few days, stopping myself from talking to her. Losing control like that scared me. I needed to be away from her to have a clear head and figure out what I want. And now I know that what I want is her. I love her. It's not just about needing her in my life, it's not just about her helping me feel better. It's just... everything about her is... ineffable. I love her. And for that, for her, I should be a better man. I'm not defined by my past. I choose who I am, who I'm gonna be. And who I choose to be, is someone who is confident about his feelings for her, and who is not scared of doing the same mistakes. I know what I did wrong, I know what I should and shouldn't do. 

Hopefully, this trip to LA will make up for all the lost time, and all the shit I've put her true. She's been nothing but caring and supportive for me, she deserves to be treated the same way if not more.

During the flight, she's still so far away from me. She's got her walls up, but they're not there to protect her, which makes me hate myself more for what I did to her. They're there to keep her out of... well "me". She's not letting herself get close to me for my own good. The only time she lets her guard down is when she's asleep and her head falls on my shoulder. I need to change that. I just don't know how yet. But I'll figure it out.

Chloe's POV

After a long exhausting flight, we finally get to his house. I go straight to the guest room I'm gonna be staying it to rest since my back was hurting. I let my body fall on the mattress, turn my phone back on after putting it on charge and call Izz.

'Hey! I'm here. In LA! In Niall's house...'

'Yaay!! How is it? Is it as big and beautiful as we thought it would be?'

'I didn't do a full tour but from what I saw so far yeah. I'm in the guest room now. Honestly, I'm having trouble being around Niall. I just don't know how to behave with him anymore. Stay back and be just friends, or what? He said that he's not gonna let it be a problem anymore. What does that even mean?'

'Ask him.'

'Yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to.'

'Just don't overthink it too much. Just act natural. And if he gets a bit too close or too handsy and it makes you uncomfortable because you don't know where you stand. Ask him. It'll be fine. Just have fun and enjoy your vacation.

'It's not a vacation, we're going to be working too.'

'Yeah, but it's LA. Go out, go sightseeing, have fun. You don't need to stay wherever Niall is. Isn't he working?'

'Yeah, apparently he has two or three full days in the studio to finish the final recording and some other work things he needs to attend to. He didn't go into details. But he said he won't be busy the entire time and we'll get to spend a lot of time together and that he's looking forward to that.'

'Okay. Well, that's great. But please take care of you when he's not around. Have fun.'

'I will! Thank you!'

'Clo! I'm gonna order some food, what do you want?' I head Niall call out from the hallway.

'Izz, I gotta go. Say hi to Cat and Lil. Miss you all! take care! Bye!' 

I hang up and quickly walk to the hallway, almost run into him, literally.

'So food?' 

'Actually, I was thinking of going out.' I tell him.

'What? I thought you're tired.'

'I'm feeling better now. I kinda don't feel like staying inside.'

'Oh okay. We can go out if you want.'

'You don't have to if you're too tired. I'm sure I can find my way around the city.'

'Clo... Are you trying to avoid me?'

'What? Why would I be avoiding you?'

'For the same reasons you've been so distant lately? I told you, you don't have to do that anymore. I worked through my problems.'

'Niall... you've been through a lot and I'm glad that you're getting better, but it's been less than two weeks...'

'Time is irrelevant. I know what I want.'

'And what is it that you want Ni?' I challenge.

'Clo... I really, really like you.' He starts, walking even closer to me, running his hand through my hair like he always does, 'And I want to see this through... See, us, through.'

Niall's POV

She laughs nervously and walks away from me and towards the sitting room downstairs. I closely follow her.

'I don't know Ni...'

'Why not! You like me. I like you. We have a connection. A bond... Ireland was amazing. Why are you backing away now?'

'Because you bloody left me in Ireland!' She shouts with a crack in her voice and her eyes quickly watering. 'And then you fucking lied to me and told me that you don't have feelings for me. And as much as I was there for you and cared for you, and ignored my feelings for your sake. It fucking hurt Niall okay! You hurt me before! What's stopping you from doing it again! I know you've been through some shit. And I'd like to believe you when you say that you've worked through it. I really do! But what if it happens again?'

A tear falls down her cheek and she is quick to wipe it off with anger. I start wrapping my arms around her to pull her into a hug but she pushes me away. I look into her eyes softly with a small sad smile.

'I'm sorry...' I mumble as another shy tear falls down. 'I know I might've been selfish in the past. I know I don't always say or do the right thing. But if you knew the things going on in my head you'd know. I had good intentions. I just acted like a total idiot. And I'm sorry. Please give me a second chance.'

I put my hand on her cheek, never breaking eye contact, 'Please!' I whisper.

She finally smiles at me and silently nodding. I, yet again, wrap my arms around her and this time, she lets her body fall into mine as we hug each other tightly. I slightly pull away without letting her out of my embrace, and with one charming smile, I lean in, but I don't kiss her just yet, I just enjoy every sensation of her being this close to me, the heat, lips barely brushing against each other, our heartbeats syncing together, until she closes the remaining gap between us, pressing her lips on mine, hand running through my hair and the other gripping my waist.

A few moments later, letting go and catching our breaths. I rest my forehead on hers, not ready to lose contact with her just yet. In a breathless whisper, I let out a simple,

'Thank you.'