Dear Amna [Untold Words and Some Burning Thoughts]

...for you were never really there

Dear Cristal,

There’s this question, which as it seems, doesn’t have an answer. Its letters tremble inside my heart and its words stab me in my stomach. It takes up too much space; space that I would actually want for some peace or even the faintest serenity. It makes me wonder about the human’s soul; how it changes temporally, distancing away from what he used to be so close to and moving toward things that will only end in his devastation. But I guess we can never really know when we are changing. We may feel a slight twist in our heart, but we are too focused on outer things and people, that inner changes are never noticed in their full motion.

But you know what? You know what drains me the most?

That I don’t even know what the question is.

Why did we have to suffer such drift? Such slow-moving drift? I could see you standing in that ice plate, letting the waves calmly dance between yours and mine. I shouted for your help! I panicked when I noticed what was going on! And you? You just stood there, watching my terror with a cold gaze, contemplating how it froze my skin. I collapsed onto my drifted ice plate, and as soon as my eyes tried to search for the dull clouds that shadowed the sun, hoping that at least these would be there for me, I was already drowned in the cutting water.

It was too late. The dancing water had already built an ocean between us.

Maybe I’ll never find the answer to my question nor the question to my answer, but I do know something:

    I’m surfacing

    From the cutting water

    And I didn’t need your help

    For you were never really there. 

 Sincerely,

Somebody

[So this is dedicated to the dearest summer (ineffablesoul) which I truly love and has become a jewel for me. She's remarkably talented, hilariously funny, and so easy to adore. I may have lost some people in my life, but I thank God because he knows how to do some pretty good deals by giving me friends like you. I hope our friendship continues because you're one of those people I don't want to lose.]