A Boyfriend Like Him

He's Majestic

"I wasn't drunk," I glared at him.

"I have since seen you use chopsticks and you are a capable eater with them, you were hammered that night," His frown turned sceptical.

"Then you took advantage of me, you bastard," I pointed out and his frown turned into a wolfish grin.

"Yeah, I did. It was great," Taylor laughed. Ignoring him and turning back to Kathy, I rolled my eyes at her as she gave me a knowing look.

"What do my parents have to do with anything, Dad is half the reason I'm drinking in the first place."

"Robbo being the other half?" Kathy laughed and I nodded.

"We have the competition coming up," I reminded her and her face dropped.

"Holy shit, it is too," She gasped. "This is awesome, I've never known anyone that was actually in it."

"Well, my pain is now your pain, baby girl," I sighed and finished my drink in two big gulps.

"That bad, huh?" Taylor laughed, pouring from his flask into the remainder of my juice and I nodded before taking another sip.

"I'm pretty sure I saw old Mrs Baxter getting around in a Dolly Parton get up," I cringed at the thought. The woman was lovely, but her boobs were current made out of balloons. I was getting drunk and no one was stopping me.

When they called all the people to the stage that were competing, Robbo stood proudly between my father and Mr Woods. He still hadn't even acknowledge our existence since we had arrived he had gotten too involved in the festivities.

"We now have everyone up on stage that is involved in the costume competition?" The woman, who mum confirmed to be the first, second and third grade primary school teacher, said looking around to the people running the stage. Her name was Annie Hodge, very nice apparently. After a quick nod in her direction, she grinned and looked down the line of eight people. "You should have a song of your choice chosen that is sung by the person who inspired your costume and the judges will confer and announce the winner accordingly," She gestured to what I called The Old Bitty Brigade that sat behind a desk to the side of the stage.

They were the matriarchs of the town and I swear they were ancient when I was growing up, so I don't know how they were still alive.

Mrs Brown was the gossip of town, she knew about pregnancies before the parents to be. If there was a break up, she was basically helping the couple sort out their personal belongings between themselves before the decision was even made. She was the Facebook of my small town.

Her best friend was Ms. Rosie, she hated being called by her last name, but you best believe you gave her the respect she deserved by adding a Ms. Before her name. She held out on the shortbread cookies if you didn't. Those cookies were worth the Ms. She was so sweet and unassuming, many of times I'd fallen for the trap of being suckered in by Ms. Rosie, before Mrs Brown swooped in to get the information she was after. I'd accidently told them that it was Derek Brown, Mrs Brown's grandson that let cattle out on the Meyers farm when we were in sixth grade. I heard he'd gotten a whoopin' so bad, he couldn't sit down for the rest of the day and I still got the stink eye from the kid, but the cookies were worth it. Sorry Derek.

The third of the OBB was Mrs Towers. She was as cranky as an old bull and would charge at you nearly the same if you got too close. She sat on her chair, peering at the line of people with her usual cats bum pursed lips, probably getting pissed off that they weren't getting a move on sooner and didn't have any talent to begin with.

"First up we have Taylor Meyer and she's, of course, Miss Taylor Swift," Annie Hodge grinned in the child's direction. "What will you be singing, darlin'?"

"Twenty two," Taylor Meyer grinned, her blonde hair was hanging over each shoulder in plaits and her floral sundress and cowboy boots completed a very obvious T-swift look.

"Bitch stole my name and song," Taylor muttered under his breath. Looking beside me, Taylor was frowning towards Taylor on the stage and I had to laugh.

"We can get you some boots and plaits so you can get up there too," I offered and he glared at me silently.

As each of them went through their songs, Mrs Baxter gave an excellent go at Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 until one of her balloon boobies popped sending the eighty year old into a fit of giggles that even had the notoriously stony Mrs Towers twitching at the lip.

Mr Henderson, dressed as Slim Dusty, which wasn't too far from his normal look anyway, skipped the worm this year for a good rendition of Duncan, then skolled a long neck beer to show the crowd he still had it in him. Gordon McClung had a fake moustache on that kept unsticking as he sung Alan Jacksons Little Bitty. Michaela Jordan sung T-Swifts Our Song and to be honest, did a better job than poor Taylor Meyer. Out of left field some young thing that would have only been fifteen or sixteen did Nicki Minaj's Superbass and stunned all three of the OBB. Even Robbo was staring at the girl with half a smirk of respect as she nailed the fast tempo rapping. And then her butt balloons burst as she twerked and sent Mrs Baxter off again into laughter that distracted everyone from the majestic change of genre they'd just witnessed.

When Robbo stepped up, he took a deep breath and then grinned blindingly towards the OBB. Familiar strings of music came through the speakers as it started and Robbo zeroed in on the three ladies at the judging table. He was in this to win it. His shoulders and his hips moving to the beat of the song, he started towards to the OBB who were watching him with their customary air of haughtiness of pillars of the community that were untouchable. I now only think that was because Robbo hadn't been raised in this town.

"A well'a bless my soul - What'sa wrong with me? - I'm itchin' like a man in a fuzzy tree - My friends say I'm actin' wild as a bug," Robbo stopped and pointed to Ms. Rosie. "I'm in love -

I'm all shook up. Mmm yeah, yeah, yeah." He was nailing this and when Ms. Rosie blushed, I knew she thought so too. Taylor laughed beside me as Robbo worked his magic on all the ladies. He had Mrs. Brown out of her chair and dancing with him by the second chorus and it wasn't until he dropped to his knees and shimmied-slash-thrusted-slash-grossed everyone else out towards Mrs. Towner that he finally got a chuckle of amusement out of the old bat. Wide eyed, the crowd looked from one person to the other and Taylor looked between mum and I confused.

"She doesn't chuckle," I informed him. "At anything. She's been a sour faced bitch from my very first memory of her." Throwing his head back laughing, Taylor looked back to Robbo as he finished his song by actually jumping on the judging table and dancing up there too.

"She touched my hand what a chill I got - Her lips are like a volcano that's hot - I'm proud to say that she's my buttercup," Robbo grinned and pointed at Taylor and I as he sung the line knowingly, making Taylor and I laugh. "I'm in lurrrve," Robbo purred while looking down to Mrs Towner, who was all but swooning at this point at the idiot on her table who would have been dragged off the table if it were anyone but Robbo. "I'm all shook up

Mm-mm-mm, mm, yay-yay-yay -Mm-mm-mm, mm, yay-yay." With one last burst of energy, Robbo fell back onto his knees dramatically and sighed before the last line of the song. "I'm all shook up." To deafening roar of applause Robbo hopped off the table and kissed each other the ladies on the very willingly offered hand and bounced back to stand next to dad with a grin like it was easy as pie.

Dad wrapped up the amateur hour session with Hound dog while trying to wind the same spell on the OBB but Mrs. Towner was back to glaring, while the other two did their best not to flirt with Robbo while another contestant sung.

Robbo won, of course. Closely followed by Michaela Jordan, I felt sorry for the girl. It wasn't her fault the idiot could charm OBB out of their granny panties and back into them again.

Bounding up to us, Robbo grinned and thrust the tiny plastic trophy at us.

"I won," He beamed like a proud child.

"Good work," I laughed. "I don't think Mrs. Towner has swooned like that a single day in her life."

"Maybe that's why she slipped me this, then?" Robbo asked holding up a voucher. The old devil had cut out a second runner up and given Robbo his, second place and third places bar vouchers. Michaela Jordan was too young to be given a bar voucher but to skip third place all together?

"He's majestic," Kathy breathed, looking at me wide eyed.