together

fourty-four

Over the span of the next month you'd swear I was royalty.

Chemo stopped
I was put on pills that did nothing but take the pain away

But we all went outside

We played soccer

We went downtown

We ice skated

We played with all of the dogs

Ashton and I almost burned their house down trying to cook

Today was the first night I had been alone since the news- which is what I wanted- as much as Calum didn't want to leave me, I asked as nicely as I could, and he respected that.

I sat at the desk in the hospital room, writing five notes.

Calum

Luke

Ashton

Michael

Mom & Dad

As I sealed the last one I felt a tear drop.

I wiped it, placing the notes under a flower vase, exhaling

The worst part was done

I looked to the DNR paper which rested on the counter, something I had asked Calum to get me- which he didn't want

But what was the point in them using medicine to save me when I was just going to continue to die?

I had accepted death- I was looking death in the face and I wasn't scared, because I knew there was something after all of this

I knew the day was coming- I could tell from the way my body was giving up

I was out of breath even laying down, I was on oxygen, my skin was almost a yellow tint, my lips almost purple

I was sure my mom was informed although Calum never discussed it with me- we didn't focus on anything negative.

Three days later.
Calum.

The four of us laid in bed with her, giving her all the attention she desired

It was happened and everyone of us knew it

Her heart rate was so slow we were surprised it was even holding up.

But she was smiling

She held my hand tightly, a smile never leaving her face

"There's notes for each of you under the flower vase" she whispered, making me wipe a tear that fell.

She looked to me, the same smile I first saw on her almost healthy face appearing

"This isn't your fault, you did amazing- you were the best" she whispered

More tears fell- almost nonstop

"You all were amazing- I can't thank you all enough" she spoke.

"You guys were my family when I had no one- and that's all that matters" she spoke- her heart rate dropping dramatically more.

"I love you" she whispered to me, making me kiss her hand, her smile fading slowly.

The monitor went off- we let it go for a moment as her body went limp.

I let my head hit her own, a sob coming from my mouth as Ashton cut it off

"Time of death, 11:47" Ashton choked out, us all almost falling into each other.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered to her

"I'm so fucking sorry- I told you that you would go home- I told you I would get you to graduation" I cried out

"I'm so fucking sorry"