Make it all go away

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Dean woke suddenly in his bed. He was alone. Sam wasn't there.

Dean had a momentary wave of panic wash over him before he heard a shuffle coming from inside the bathroom. Sam must be in there.

"Sammy? Are you okay in there?" Dean had been awake for half an hour now, but still Sam hadn't emerged from the bathroom, Dean had no idea when he'd actually gone in there, so had no idea how long Sam had actually been there.

When Sam didn't respond to Dean's call, Dean moved slowly over to the bathroom door where he crouched outside, and tried to talk to Sam again.

"Hey Sammy, you've been in there a while and I'm started to get worried now, how about you open up the door for me so we can talk about whatever's going on in that grapefruit of yours okay?" Dean was trying to use his voice that he had always used to coax Sam out of the shells he used to retreat into when he was younger and John was mad at him. It had always worked on Sam, until today. Dean was beginning to realize how much Sam had changed over this past year.

Dean began to slowly pick the lock, talking to Sam the whole time, explaining he was coming in, and that there was nothing to worry about. Slowly Dean managed to get the door open, and pushed it just wide enough so he could get in, but not all the way.

What he saw was a shocking sight, Sam had blood all up his arms from cuts that he'd either re-opened or made new, and was curled up in a corner of the bathroom, not crying, not sleeping, just staring. He didn't look in pain, he didn't look in shock, he was just staring.

Dean tried to approach him slowly, but as he got nearer to Sam, Sam simply curled up tighter in his little ball. Dean took a step backwards, as he soon realized he wasn't going to gain anything from pressuring Sam here.

"Sammy, hey man, listen to me, you're safe here okay, no one's going to hurt you, it's me, Dean, I'd never hurt you, come on little brother, let me help you" Dean crouched down against the wall the other side of the bathroom. Something really bad must have happened to Sam to make him get this bad, Dean's thoughts were interrupted when Sam starting making whimpering noises, that slowly began to sound my like words,

"D-Dean? What are you doing here, you left me."

It was then that Sam looked at Dean for the first time since Dean had entered the bathroom. His eyes were blood shot and glazed over, after obviously many hours of crying. Dean could't help but feel a little part of his heart breaking as he heard Sam say the words. He was right, Dean had left him when he needed him most, and Dean had blamed himself for it every passing hour since that day. Dean slowly made his way over to his little brother, and placed a hand on Sam's knee. Sam retreated further away from Dean than Dean thought possible, but Dean kept his hand there nonetheless.

"Sammy look at me, I know it was a mistake running out on you a year ago, I realized my mistake as soon as I made it to Bobby's, but by then it was too late, you were already gone. I've regretted that decision for every second since I came back and found that letter on the table. I've kept it with me since that day, to be there as a reminder of my biggest screw up. I never stopped looking for you Sam, I had people out looking everywhere, I tried everything to find you, I really did. I'm so sorry Sammy." I was looking away from Sam when I felt a familiar set of fingers and a hand lightly sit on top of my own, I looked up to find Sam staring into my eyes, they looked clearer than they had since I'd found him, and for that short moment, it felt like I had my little brother back again.

Sam looked up into Dean's eyes as he finished speaking, the words felt genuine, and maybe, just maybe, Dean had meant them. Maybe he hadn't meant to run out on Sam, maybe it was just a way of him trying to find out a way to help him.