a fallen angel | tyler joseph

one: tyler

it is just like any other day, i wake up, have a shower, get breakfast, take my medications, see my psychologist dr sara, then spend most of the time writing songs or playing ukelele or piano in the music room. 
except for today, i am going to meet her.

    --

today is group therapy, we have it once a week and it's where everyone in the ward sits down and we talk about our feelings for an hour. kind of like a support group. 
i sit down along with everyone else when dr sara comes in with a girl who looks to be around my age. she's got long black hair and pale skin and is wearing a faded flannel over a black t-shirt and dark blue jeans with a pair of black doc martens. she's beautiful. 
  "hello everyone, this is ruby. she will be joining us here. i trust you all to make her feel welcome here. you can sit next to tyler." dr sara says gesturing to me.
without a word, ruby walks over and sits down in the chair next to me. i look at her but she just continues to look out the window, then i'm snapped out of my daze when dr sara asks me a question.
   "how are you going tyler?" she asks.
   "fine." i say.
   "why don't you tell the group about your music?" 
   "well um i play ukelele and piano most of the time and i've recently started writing songs," i say scratching the back of my neck.
how could dr sara ask about that? she knows that music is my personal thing. it's my escape.
   "and what tyler also meant to say is that it has helped him greatly. i believe that having something you're passionate about can really help with the way you're feeling. let's go around and say one thing that we enjoy doing. a hobby so to say." dr sara corrects me.
and like she said we all go around saying what we enjoy doing and when it's ruby's turn she looks up and says "painting" in a small voice.
    "excellent ruby! we have an excellent art room here! in fact, it's right next to the music room. tyler can show you it when we are finished." 
    "why are you even bothering tyler? you know she's just going to see you as a freak right?" blurryface says quietly.
i try not to shout back in rage at him because i know he's not real. he's just another voice in my head. 
     "you know i'm real, look at me. why won't you look at me?" he says getting louder.
     "come on just turn around and look. what are you afraid of?" 
     "LOOK AT ME!"
and suddenly i can't take it anymore. i get up and run to the bathroom and shut the door behind me, my breathing becoming quicker with every second that passes.
     "calm down, he's not real. he's not real. he's not real.." i repeat to myself but it seems no use to the power of blurryface.
      "you're a weak pathetic bastard." he sneers.
      "i was only asking you to look at me, just a peek but you can't even do that! you're seriously pathetic tyler."
i walk over to the mirror and look at myself, i see a shadowy figure as blurryface walks up behind me. i won't let him win! 
       "tyler is everything okay?" a nurse says opening the door since the doors, even the bathroom doors don't have locks on them here.
      "yeah i'm fine, i just had a little bit of a panic attack with everyone out there." i lie.
      "good boy tyler, you can't let them know otherwise they'll lock you away in an asylum forever. they'll think you're even more of a freak than they already do," blurryface says.
i sigh and smile at the nurse who leads me out. thankfully the meeting is over and i can just go back to playing my music, then i remember that i've got to show ruby around.