secret ☆ giorno giovanna x reader

XXVI. [courage of apology]

"It's good."

"Mhm," he nods.

Once again, silence envelops you and Giorno, the awkward atmosphere thicker than syrup. The density of it was uncomfortable and slow-paced, like trying to run through water.

It was quiet, save for the clatter of fork against plate, spoon against bowl, or the occasional small talk that you both tried the best to uphold, only managing to make the atmosphere more unsettling. Both of you wanted to talk, for the dinner table to be light-hearted and joyful, but none knew what to say. At this point, you were both grounded, too, and had been given an hour since the incident for the thoughts to run. That meant thinking of the past, too, and how things weren't so good with him before you were kidnapped, either.

You take a sip of water, which you had completely forgotten about when you were making dinner. The cold libation ran down your parched throat, only offering ailment for a short moment. Your thirst could never be quenched - to be more accurate, your nervousness could not be quelled.

Every so often your eyes darted up to sneak a glance at Giorno's face rather than staring down at your lap or dinner. With that glance, you both admired him and clenched your fist in frustration. Your knuckles were nearly white around the silverware in your hand, nails digging into your palm but not enough to draw blood.

He looks up. You look away.

Not feeling very hungry anymore, you let your hands rest on your lap, fingers fidgeting around each other due to lack of something to fumble with.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I said I'm sorry. I should have apologized a while ago, but there were obviously some issues..." he looks you in the eyes this time, subtly referring to the events from a few hours ago.

You're at a loss for words, unsure of what to say. Your throat suddenly felt much drier than it was before, and you swallow once in an attempt to prepare yourself for speaking.

"No. It's fine."

"It's not," he insists, leaning in just a tiny bit from across the table to further push his point. His brows are furrowed, lips pulled into a grim but determined line. "I shouldn't have made you worry. And I understand that there might have been some underlying issues that I didn't account. I apologize if I brought back any memories that were unwanted-"

"I said it's fine," you cut him off sternly, not daring to meet his gaze like he was.

He had the courage that you didn't. The courage to first speak, then to apologize, then to even go as far as to look you in the eye when doing it. It was unnerving, but again a trait that you couldn't help but admire.

I want to be like you, but I can't.

You frown. He stares at you expectantly, before suddenly lowering his shoulders from their tight position, as if coming to a realization.

"Sorry. I thought- I thought you wanted to say something. Nevermind."

You close your eyes tightly. I do. I do I do I do I do I do.

Silently praying that you could just have a little bit more time to think, your mind wanders back to all you've been told your life.

Was all you've learned for nothing? Did you expect to never talk to anyone ever again after becoming Pantera? Did you expect to not ever form any more human relationships after distancing yourself from everyone? Did you not expect yourself to fall-

Nevermind.

"I should be the one to apologize," you finally say. Don't voice crack. Don't voice crack. Giorno looks shocked for a second. He opens his mouth to protest, but you immediately begin talking again. "It's my fault. You had no ill intentions, and it should be my responsibility to take care of my emotions, not yours."