chaos ~ fred weasley

50. catch up

I stretch as I get out of bed and pull on my shoes which rest next to my nightstand, carefully slipping on a scarf and trying not to wake my dorm mates. I wave my wand and wait a moment before opening my window and leaping.

I land on my broom hard but settle into position quickly, shooting off towards the pitch. This has been my routine since I've been back—I don't know if it's me avoiding Fred, avoiding my friends, avoiding the stares, or just wanting to fly. I think all of the above.

While I do my best to shake all of these thoughts out of my head, it's difficult. My mind races from one to the other, and my only solace is the wind whipping through my hair, forcing me to turn my broom and cut swiftly through the air to avoid the strong gusts blowing me in the wrong direction. More than anything—even the stares—my mind goes back to Fred. I don't miss him. I can't. I'm not sure I know how to miss him right now. There's a certain comfort in our routines, and as everything else is falling apart, I find Fred and I to be some semblance of normality.

I do as many drills as possible until I can hear nothing but the dull beating of my heart in my ears and sweat drips from my forehead onto the grass far below me. Finally, I turn my broom and fly straight to the Owlery.

"Nori? Where are you?" I say as I enter, peering into the dimly lit room. After a minute, I hear a flap of wings and Nori is sitting calmly on a perch beside me, waiting to be pet.

I sit like that with him for a while, feeding him and stroking him as I watch the other owls fly around above me. At one point, Kiki comes shooting over and dances around me for a bit before flying straight into a wall, shaking herself off, and immediately racing to her next destination.

I'm calmed by moments like these—but the minute I step out, it's back to reality. I fly back to the tower and get dressed just as Allie is waking up, so we walk down to breakfast together. "Are you ready?" she asks me as we step off the end of the staircase and walk towards the double doors of the Great Hall.

"As I'll ever be," I mumble, stepping into the hall.

I never know how they do it, as it's not as if I even made a particular sound to alert them—but as soon as I enter the room, all heads turn to look at me. With Harry, there were never looks of fear, and he could console himself with that. There is no such consolation for me. As I walk past, people cower, whispering spitefully to their friends as they glance over their shoulders. Some avoid eye contact altogether, as if them knowing about my power makes me any more of a threat than when no one else knew and I still didn't hurt anyone.

I say nothing, unable to produce even the smallest retort as I take a seat beside my friends. Grabbing a muffin, I unwrap the casing painstakingly slow and take a tiny bite, savouring the taste in my mouth. Chocolate orange. When I look up, my friends all look worried.

"Are you okay?" Julian asks, raising a careful brow.

I nod slowly, confused. "Yeah, why?"

"You're eating that muffin pretty slowly," Lee says as he slides into the seat beside me.

For a minute I'm comforted by the thought that maybe today, things are a little more normal. That my friends can laugh and joke around, and I can too, and no one is watching. No one is waiting for me to do something.

After all the drama during the exam on Tuesday, Umbridge insisted we stay at school until Sunday. No one's really sure why, because we don't have any classes—I think Umbridge just wants to punish us for embarrassing her, even though it was the twins and not the entire school. It's better not to question her.