Her Crown

XXXVII

Victoria sat on a bench in front of the large bay window in the ballroom. A place she had recently discovered was a great place to think , feeling closer to Francis even if it did bring great sadness to her. Debating whether she was right to have the abdication papers drawn up. It felt right just to make it all go away , the pain over powering any form of happiness she got from ruling. 

"Your majesty the children are in the nursery if you would like to see them." Mr Warwick states standing stock still unsure whether he should take a seat next to her or stay stood up. 

Victoria glanced at him smiling briefly before her gaze fell completely into her lap. Playing with her fingers since she knew Miss Florence would kill her if she began playing with the skirt of her dress. It was fine if the children did it as they didn't understand the amount of work that went into them but Victoria was old enough to know. Gesturing for Mr Warwick to take a seat next to her feeling bad that he was just stood there waiting for her response. One thing she hated about being Queen , certain people had to do things under her order and couldn't just act normal. 

" I shall after the papers are drawn." Victoria states her eyes watering slightly as Mr Warwick's hand hesitantly reached for Victoria's which instead just ended up awkwardly on his lap pretending that is where it meant to go. 

"I heard from the others that you were thinking about abdicating. In my humble opinion ma'am you are given them what they want without even trying. They want you gone and you are giving it to them with no blood shed." Mr Warwick replies as a single tear fell down Victoria's cheek trying her best to hide it she turned away from him gently wiping it away. 

"I know ... but this life is not worth fighting. If I did not have the children to worry about then it would be different. This feels like the right thing to do." Victoria  mumbles 

Mr Warwick without even thinking this time grabbed ahold of Victoria's left hand. She stared at it unsure how to respond does she pull away and reprimand him or does she just let it slide. It was odd. The feeling of his hand in hers felt nice , it felt right just like when Francis would hold her hand and remind her everything would be alright if she just believed it would. Looking up at him his face was as shocked as her own , his cheeks a slight tinge of pink which made her smile. He was waiting for to react so he could resume normal function feeling like a complete idiot grasping her hand. 

"if you say so ma'am. I do not have any of my own so I would not know the extent of love and fear you have for your children. But what I will say is your two are magnificent and are lucky to have you as a mother whether you have a crown on your head or not." Mr Warwick states as Victoria mouths a thank you her voice unable to form any sound to respond to him. 

"I can see why everyone speaks so highly of you Mr Warwick you are always full of compliments."  Victoria calmly says her voice only slightly shaky but it wouldn't be long before the tears flowed out of her eyes for the millionth time already this week. 

"Your Majesty the papers are drawn and ready for you to sign." Miss Florence states butting into the conversation with Mr Warwick. On noticing the two of them sat on the bay window Miss Florence excused herself and left the room completely embarrassed from inserting herself into the situation. 

"I guess that is my queue to leave." Victoria barely says rising from the seat without letting go of Mr Warwick's hand. 

The two just looked at each other completely ignoring the fact the two of them were still holding hands. Mr Warwick had his heart rating beating faster than ever before. Not only was this the first time a woman had been this close to him since his mother but he adored Victoria. Working under her was the most special thing in the world to be ordered by a Queen rather than a stuffy King was refreshing. Holding her on a pedestal she deserved to be on even if she felt like she was just a normal girl who got lucky in this world. 

"If I were you I would not sign them. This family and country are lucky to have a leader like you. Life is not straight forward ma'am you know that better than any one. But it would be a shame for your children and many others to not grow up with a woman like you as their ruler." Mr Warwick rambles without even thinking , well he had been thinking for the past few weeks but it was like word vomit when it fell out of him. Knowing if he hadn't said it now would he ever get a chance like this again. 

Smiling sadly at him she squeezed his hand letting go slowly , emptiness crept over her as his warmth was completely removed from her skin. But her eyes never left his as if she was trying to read his mind , was he being genuine or was he just saying that because he didn't want to be out of a job she wasn't sure. Turning away from him quickly taking a deep breathe ,she couldn't let him see her cry over his kindness. It would only make this moment even harder for her. 

"If this is goodbye ma'am it has been a pleasure teaching your children and being a small part to your reign. Thank you for the opportunity." Mr Warwick mumbles his voice also cracking much like her own. 

Stopping for a moment in the middle of the ballroom she glanced at the doorway where Miss Florence waited to guide her to the office. Needing a trusted worker to sign off that she had in fact abdicated under her own choice and no one had forced her to do so. Closing her eyes for a second she glanced back at Mr Warwick his face as fallen as her own. She knew he was being genuine he wasn't a plant like many others had been he was speaking from the heart. But she wasn't going to let him sway her.