Testament of An Archangel

Chapter 11 Part 2

Several days later Lucifer appeared next to me as I stood on a hill above a river I was cutting into the surface of yet another planet. His appearance startled me so much I lost focus on what I was doing and the river double backed on itself and started running upstream right next to where it was running downstream. I remember stopping myself from frowning at him or saying anything harsh, fixing the river and turning to face him. I wasn't upset that he had made me lose focus, I was more irritated at myself for the slight error.

“I rather liked it the other way brother,” he said with a small grin on his face. It was heartening to hear him making fun of my errors.

“Well in that case, I shall put it back,” I replied. “It's good to see you.”

He smiled again, it didn't quite reach into his eyes though. There was shame there still. “I wanted to thank you Remiel, for talking to Gabriel.” He lowered his eyes to stare at the ground in front of my feet, something he had never, ever done in the past. “I should have gone to him, to all of them to try to resolve things in a better fashion.”

He was skirting around it but I knew that he, in his own way, was accepting responsibility for what had happened. “I just felt..”

I waited for him to resume speaking.

“Well, I felt that they would not accept anything I had to say. I have thought quite extensively about everything that happened. I will not say that I would not have fought for Lillith and her kind to still be independent and strong, but I may have taken a different path to assure it if I were in the same position again.”

He raised his eyes to mine again, there was more that he needed to say.

“What I gifted her with, it binds me to her in ways that I never thought possible. She says my name and I feel it, I hear it. I feel her sadness. It is so hard not to go to her but my promise to you, to my brothers, is much more important to me.” He paused again, when he resumed speaking his voice was choked with such emotion, such love, “She will eventually pass away, as all our creations do, but you and the rest will not. ” Once he finished speaking he looked away but I saw the tears in his golden eyes.

I found I had no words for him, this was yet another thing that none of us ever expected. It had always been so easy for us to reach out to one another and comfort each other if we chose. The idea of not being able to go to someone I loved who was suffering struck me so deeply. I began to understand that Lucifer's depression was not just his, it was hers as well. Words would not help so I placed my arm around his shoulders.

“May I see?” I wanted to truly understand what he was feeling. I could sense some of it already but I knew it was only a hint of the true extent of the problem.

His shoulders tightened under my arm, “You will not be pleased with what you see. The bonds between her and I have grown even though I have stayed as far from her as possible. I am not sure how or why, but you must believe me that I have not visited her or had any contact with her since she took Adam as her mate. I have tried to break them, I have but nothing has worked so far.”

If I had any doubt as to the truthfulness of his words, it was banished when he looked at me again. The Lucifer I had known since the beginning of time was gone, who stood before me at that moment was someone in the grips of immense loss and pain, begging for me to believe him and find it within myself to trust him.

“Beloved brother. I stood by you before, I will continue to do so. I promise.”

He lowered his gaze again, “Thank you. Go ahead, look.”

The moment I reached out to him I was overwhelmed with the chaos that took hold of me. “Lucifer! What is this?” I was so disoriented that I had no idea where to begin to unravel it all.

“That is Lillith and I, we no longer have a beginning or ending. Look at the lines of energy first, it will help.”

I did as he suggested and was even more astounded. He had somehow managed to separate and cushion her line of energy from the flow of the universe, limiting it's disruptive nature but the cost to him was immense. They had truly become mated on the deepest level possible and I had no idea if they could ever be split apart again.

“What? How? Why?

He sighed. “Go deeper, brother. You've barely scratched the surface. I'll explain as much as I can when you are done.”

I found myself wondering if by looking I was going to somehow get pulled into the chaos that had once been my brother. I proceeded with much trepidation and realized that the reason Lucifer's creations as of late had been so subpar was because he'd been involved in something much more complicated. He had found a way to conceal his state from the rest of us along with limiting the amount of damage this unnatural bond between he and Lillith could cause while being awash in the intensity of her emotions along with his own pain.

Our emotional range up until this point had been fairly limited, mainly because everything had been so harmonious between us. Even with what I had felt from my brothers and my own anger recently I was in no way prepared for the aching sense of loss, of loneliness, of soul deep pain that I felt from both he and Lillith. I started trying to sort through things by meticulously searching for what I knew Lucifer felt like, homing in on that and then trying to comprehend the rest. Once I separated Lucifer out I allowed myself to touch Lillith's threads. Her emotions were so violent compared to ours, when she felt joy, she felt it so intensely, same with fear, pain, anger, confusion and her moods were in a constant state of flux. It was a wonder that Lucifer hadn't gone entirely mad by this point.

A soft whisper came to me, “Lucifer? I miss you. Please come back.”

Since I was connected to both her and him at that moment I was able to witness the true nature of their connection. As her words reached him, so did her sense of loss, of confusion as to why he had been away so long. I felt him shudder and heard him gasp at the intensity of it and he tried to stop any sense of himself from going back to her but he couldn't. A small strand of black tinted lavender left him, traveling down the lines of energy back to her.

“I know you hear me, I can feel you,” she said. “I am sure you are doing what is best. I....,” she stopped speaking but words were not really necessary. What she felt, he felt. She had wanted to say that she loved him but perhaps something told her she shouldn't.

I withdrew from him, closing my eyes as I tried to process what I had seen. When I opened them again I saw that he was waiting for me to erupt into anger and accuse him of an even further betrayal but I felt none of those things. What I felt was an overwhelming desire to ease his pain. “Explain everything to me,” I told him, “You cannot keep this up on your own. Allow me to help.”