THE BREAKUP SYNDROME.

My drug of choice

What most people don’t realize is that emotionswork on the same receptors in the brain as substances like alcohol and drugs. Intense feelings of romantic love affect the brain in the same way drugs like cocaine do, releasing the feel-good chemicals — endorphins, dopamine and an intense kick of euphoria.

That ecstasy and euphoria when you see the person you love.

Several brain scans of people in love have revealed that addictions happen not only to drugs, but to people as well. Oxytocin — the love hormone released during intimacy is responsible for bonding and attachment in couples. And my addiction to drugs was only to compensate for the lack of my drug of choice — HER.

Not that I wanted to, but in trying to escape the pain, if I ever wanted to move on or get close to someone else, I’m met with guilt and discomfort.

Also, there seemed to be a weird sense of satisfaction in SUFFERING because of you than in ENJOYING with someone else.

Although I was convincing myself that i don’t owe any explanation to anyone, that I’m no longer committed and that I’m free to pursue anyone, I’m always met with a deep sense of guilt because I felt like I was cheating on her -– despite the fact that she’s married to another.

There was a severe, continuous conflict between the nihilist and moralist in me.

Although i felt like I’m already married to her, I was utterly confused of my own relationship status. I’ve become a widower without ever marrying. I was left hanging in the middle ground, I couldn’t enjoy neither the freedom of single-hood nor the secure warmth of a committed relationship. It was the worst of both worlds — being unable to enjoy any of the benefits of any particular side, I was paying the price for both.