THE BREAKUP SYNDROME.

Cognitive Dissonance

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One of the hardest things in life is to grieve the loss of a person still alive. Death of a loved one surely is tough to get over but ambiguous grief is extremely hard to bear and tolerate.
Constantly thinking of “what could have been” and how this situation could have been prevented.

This usually happens when someone experiences the sudden death of a healthy loved one — they can’t believe the death really took place. Their usual response would be, “he was with me just a few moments back, how can this happen?” That’s the reason you find people talking to dead bodies of their loved ones asking them to wake up and talk to them — they aren’t mad, they’re just experiencing cognitive dissonance. They are unable to believe what their eyes are telling them.

Similarly, when you mourn for a person who’s dead and bury them with your own hands, your brain can appeal to memory and believe that the person has indeed died, but when you’re told to believe that someone died just because their body was nowhere to be found, it’s extremely hard to believe and digest that the death really took place. You’ll secretly believe in your heart that somehow somewhere the person is still alive and will return back. You can neither fully mourn and let go, nor remain assured and hopeful of their return.

Such people can never really move on. Instead, they’re in a perpetual state of suffering. A suffering that’s too personal that only they can help themselves slowly but painfully drag themselves out of it.

She left me without a hint or a word, let alone an explanation. At the very least, I expected a goodbye. I didn’t think it was too much to ask for, after all that we’ve had together. There wasn’t any definite event that took place where I got an confirmation/explanation from her to mark the end of our relationship in order for me to look back to believe that it really was.. over. For the lack of such an event, I couldn’t believe it really happened. I was in utter disbelief as to what I’ve witnessed that day in her wedding.

I’ve idealized her to the point that she would be the last person on earth to betray or decieve me. It has been many months since she got married but I still am not able to believe that of all the people in the world, she could do this to me.

I find myself thinking “I know her. She loves me. She’s mine. She wouldn’t do this to me, how is this possible?

I was experiencing cognitive dissonance — being unable to believe what I’m witnessing right in front of me, in spite of all the evidence that suggests the contrary.

Being utterly dogmatic and irrational, I was subconsciously rejecting any evidence that attempts to question her love and loyalty.