THE BREAKUP SYNDROME.

Battling with Depression:

Your absence in my life has stripped off all its color and vibrancy. My desire for you has consumed me. Your absence has become a torment that is beyond comprehension. How would I relieve myself from this suffering?

After her marriage, I was going through a severe stage of depression. All the symptoms I manifested are a testament to it — Self-isolation,

Disinterest — I could no longer find any reason to wake up, eat, work or step out of my room anymore.

Disinterst and an unusual lack of hunger.

Sleepiness — When you’re depressed, you’re unusually sleepy all the time because the mind tries to shut itself down often — sleeping at odd timings and at odd places — in the canteen, hospital and balcony.

I was constantly seeking for sources of sedation at least, if not pleasure — alcohol, drugs and sex as a means to escape the painful reality.
But sleep doesn’t help much if its actually your soul that is tired and sex doesn’t help if it’s your heart that needs to be satisfied.

Anhedonia and apathy — I became numb, I just wanted to feel alive again, I wanted to feelwanted again. I started seeking sex as a substitute to the love that was denied and lost.

Sex, Drugs Alcohol — nothing came close to compensate her loss.

“God! how is it that we fail to recognize that the mask of pleasure, stripped of all hypocrisy, is that of anguish?”

― Georges Bernanos

I was desperately trying to fill the terrible void inside me with whatever I could find, but to no avail — everything worked according to the Law of Diminishing Returns.