Straight Boys

Straight Talk

"You're right. But the problem I see with this is that you think other people are the ones to blame for everything. Don't you think that the person is also partly to blame? Because what I've gathered from all of this is that, yeah sure, other people judge someone they don't really know, but how else are they gonna come to a sound conclusion about someone? It's really also the person's fault because they choose not to help those people understand. They are the ones who let people judge them. The trick is whether they believe the people's judgement over their own because that's really what it comes down to. Realizing that this - what you're saying - doesn't matter unless we allow each other to understand. So please, help us understand. No, help me understand because I have no clue what the heck any of you weirdos are even talking about."

I didn't want to. I really fucking didn't.

I just couldn't! Jesus, this was so fucked up!

Everything in my life had just become so fucked up it was almost a joke.

Really? What did I do to deserve such a turn of events to happen to me? Why was it always happening to me?

I didn't want to help him understand. I wanted him to forever stay in the dark about what really was going on, about why I really had an anxiety attack those few days ago. It would have been so much easier for the both of us really, but when has anything ever been easy anymore? Nothing because life apparently decided it wanted to start being hard for me to handle. It suddenly was like, "Ha! Reality check you oblivious fuck!"

So, I decided that I was going to try and tell him something that wasn't exactly the truth, but not a lie either. "Zachary. . ." I started, but I didn't know how to finish what I was about to say. I didn't even know what I was going to say.

Lucky for me, Corbett decided that he was going to do all the talking. "I've got it. I've got the both of you," he violently pointed at him and me, "on tape. Kissing. I'm just wondering what I should do with it." I dug my brows together and clenched my fists in disappointment, feeling every nerve in my body shaking with propensity.

But then I let that natural panic spill over and exclaimed, "Why are you so goddamn smug? About everything! Why? Why are you even doing this, Connors? Huh?" I had glanced at Zach and saw his face screwing up in confusion. Then, like a light bulb clicked above his head, his eyes started flashing with the events of the Halloween party and then he was directing his confusion at me.

"We actually kissed at that party, then, didn't we?"

This time, I didn't want to look at Zachary. I just looked away and into the slits of Annie's eyes. She was directing her stare at Corbett. "What the hell, dude? Blackmail is illegal, isn't it? Isn't it?"

Corbett looked down at the dirty concrete as if the stained cement was suddenly so much more interesting than Annie's disappointment and questioning eyes. Then he mumbled something I just barely caught, "I just didn't know what else to do. I panicked."

"You panicked?!" I blurted. "You fucking panicked? What the fuck about any of this is making you panicked? Huh? Please - Please tell me!"

Suddenly there was a dark glint in Corbett's eyes. He shifted his weight and I could physically see his body growing with tension like he was a bristled cat. My eyes swiveled over to Annie and I could see her mimicking his stance slightly, almost replicating his sudden nervousness. Then, she spoke up for Corbett, "I don't really. . . think that that's really what matters right now. We should just - like - we should focus on trying to. . . to. . .," she shifted uncomfortably, trying to form the right words, but she couldn't find any by the way she started flopping around like a fish.