The Kids Aren't Alright

Chapter 40: Finn

Jasper wakes me up early the next morning. "It's almost seven," he says, over the sound of Levi snoring in his bed. "You should go before the counselor arrives."

I drag myself out of a pile of blankets and change into my clothes from last night. They're still half-damp and smell like a mixture of sweat and mud, but I'd prefer to spending the day in disgusting clothes than going back to the cabin to get fresh ones— and risk running into Ronan in the process. I don't know how I'm going to face my roommate ever again. How the hell am I supposed to sleep next to somebody who I can't even stomach looking in the eye?

"Hurry," says Jasper urgently. "I think I see Maria coming."

I move towards the door, but as I open it, I turn back and pause for a moment. "Thank you, Jasper. I know that you broke a lot of rules to help me out last night. You're a good friend, and I promise to not kick you out of my cabin like an asshole again."

It looks like Jasper is smiling at me— or maybe that's just the way the sunlight hitting his face. "See you at breakfast, Finn."

I give him a wave before striding down the dirt path towards the Mess Hall.

It's seven on the dot when I arrive at the Mess Hall, so unsurprisingly, I'm the only person there. I eat a quick breakfast of toast and strawberries, and then I head to the bathroom to freshen up. There's always a spare tube of toothpaste lying around, so I brush my teeth with my finger, desperate to get rid of that gross taste, stale taste that always rises in the back of my throat when I stay up too late and don't get enough sleep. Afterward, I splash some cold water on my face, then head to my first activity.

I've made a habit of looking over my schedule at the beginning of the week and memorizing a rough outline of my it; a habit that's especially handy now that I'm trying to avoid Huron Cabin at all costs. I remember, clearly, that I'm supposed to meet by the docks at nine this morning. My recollection of what we're going to be doing there isn't as clear— it doesn't matter to me, as long as Ronan isn't in the same activity. I would be content with swimming laps across the lake if it meant my roommate wasn't there bragging about his seven minutes with Becca.

(Ugh. I can't even think about last night without feeling sick.)

I have some free time before activities start, so I decide to go to the mini-library, which is almost always empty. The only camper there is Emily, and she's too busy twirling her nose ring and flipping through a dated MAD magazine to notice me. Later, Wolsey pops up in the old newspaper collection, and he gives me a quick once-over before exiting with an armful of dated periodicals. I feign interest in a spot of mud on my elbow, not wanting a repeat of our bizarre conversation last night. Then I grab a book on Alaska ecosystems and try to focus until quarter past eight. 

Then I walk to the docks.

I run into a few other campers along the way, something that would usually put me in a good mood if I wasn't still feeling angry about what happened last night. I can't focus on small talk and pleasantries, not when I keep seeing Ronan and Becca walking out into the rain together in my head...

Selena bounds across the grass and screeches to a halt at my side, jolting me out of my thoughts. "Hey, Fish! Want to be canoe partners?"

"What?"

"We're canoeing today. Says so on the schedule. Want to be partners?"

"Oh. Um, I'll have to think about it...."

Selena gives me a skeptical look. "It's not rocket science, Fish. And you can take me word on that— I know rocket science."

"How do you even know we're canoeing today?"