Achilles is used to a life with rules and structure. Being attracted to men doesn't fit into what he considers structured. But he's used to burying things deep down, and this is just another item on the list.
Xander crosses into his life, and he's...
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—y'all know these right? —
Our seat was along a window so we got a nice view of the city, sunny blue skies with thick, fast moving clouds. The last of winter snow was finally thawing, and flowers were just beginning to bud.
Xander touched my wrist. "Watch me." He made a few motions with his hands and I copied them, successfully picking up a California roll.
We had ordered a lot of different food options but everything Xander had got was some different kind of vegetable based sushi, or vegetable tempura. I was still surprised that he didn't shrivel up and die without meat or fish or most dairy. He still hadn't gained the bit of weight he had lost before he started seeing his psychologist and it made me worry. But, Xander did eat, even if it was vegan kale smoothies, tofurkey, or cauliflower with barbecue dressing. If he would just ate a damn burger, maybe I wouldn't worry.
Xander seemed a bit absent minded, playing with my foot under the table. He was dressed very casually in a t-shirt and sweats, and it was by far the most normal thing I'd ever seen him wear. He drank his miso soup slowly with his eyes closed.
"What'd you do today?" I said around a mouthful of a salmon maki roll. I drenched my next maki roll in soy sauce as he responded.
Xander raised his eyes up to me. "Achilles, my dear, please don't talk with your mouth full."
"Shit," I said swallowing. "Sorry."
"It's been four hours since I last saw you, what makes you think I've done anything?" His voice sounded oddly careful.
"You smell like you've been out." I said slowly, stealing a California roll from Xander's plate since he'd stopped eating.
Xander sighed, "I don't know, I've just been thinking." He put down his chopsticks on a napkin and started removing the seeds from his edamame, fingers a blur.
"Okay." I prodded, waiting for Xander to say something as I got through a few pieces of sashimi.
"I really like you." Xander said slowly, breaking apart his edamame.
I smiled, "Okay. I like the sound of that."
"I like this, I like us." But, Xander wasn't smiling back.
I frowned. "So, what's the problem?"
"The letter I got last night was from my father. I haven't spoken to him in a while." Xander was talking quickly, long, slender fingers removing the seeds from the edamame at a rapid fire pace. "He was apologizing. Saying that he knows he doesn't deserve it but he wanted to meet up for coffee. I-" Xander paused, wiping his fingertips on a napkin and then worrying his necklace. "I went, but then...I just couldn't listen to anything he was saying. I just got so angry. All those lost years," Xander vehemently shook his head. "My first boyfriend, my first serious relationship. He wasn't there for any of that, and we were so close before I came out. We used to play duets together and compose songs when I was a kid. He was such a good dad and then he decided not to be. So. I left. And, I don't know if it makes me a bad person-"
