Taking the Leap

Chapter 14

~Xander~

Writer's Note- Content warning for mentionings and implications of abuse.

"Do you want to go to my room?" Achilles asked me in a surprisingly outright manner, putting his hands on my thighs and looking at me. His eyes were bright and he was stroking my thighs in a really nice way.

I did, honestly. But, then my heart started beating erratically and I touched my throat, dragging my fingers across my collar bone. I opened my mouth but it was suddenly dry.

Achilles was watching me, patient and acceptant. He raised his hands to my face, cupping my cheeks and making circles with his thumbs. "It's okay." He said before he kissed me, once, slowly enough to make sparks shoot all the way to the tips of my toes. Then, he gave me a quick kiss on the nose and I laughed.

Achilles got up to go to the bathroom and I went looking for my shirt. All of his attentions made my skin feel a bit bruised and raw, but if I wanted anyone to make me feel that way, it would be him.

After I put my shirt on, I closed my eyes and tried not to let embarrassment burrow too deeply under my skin. What the hell was wrong with me? Achilles was hot, I was hot. Why couldn't I just, take the proverbial leap? Did I really have intimacy issues?

I got up, putting some chips, veggies and guac on the coffee table, before dimming the lights and turning on Netflix. I was browsing when Achilles came back and he looked somewhat refreshed so I made a point not to ask him what he'd done in the bathroom.

"What're we watching?"He said lazily, sitting with his legs splayed wide on the couch.

I started playing Zumbo's Just Deserts, a competition baking show. "Maybe this?"

Achilles stretched his arm around the couch and then across my shoulders, bringing me in closer against his side. "Sure." Achilles' body always seemed to run a little hot and I like how he was a constant source of warmth.

I raised the volume, took a pillow from the couch and settled it over Achilles' lap before lying down and placing my head there. Achilles' fingers moved into my hair, casually stroking and he twisted a finger or two through my curls, twirling strands around his fingers.

"Your hair's so soft." Achilles murmured.

Achilles' hand was back in my hair. It took me a second to notice his other hand was at my hip, tracing circles into my skin. I looked up at him but his eyes were focused on the screen.

"Fuck." He said, "This is making me hungry."

"Aren't you always hungry?"

"Mostly." He said.

The show played for a few more minutes before I had to say something. "I'm sorry." I said, staring at the cooks manipulating icing sugar on screen. "Sometimes, I can't—"

His voice was soft. "It's no pressure, being with you is nice, Xander. Anyway I can have you. But, have you talked to anyone about it?"

I closed my eyes, focusing on the feel of Achilles' fingers. "I used to go to this—this support group for guys like me. I've been busy and I haven't kept up with the meetings."