Discordant Harmonies 3: Measure of Resistance

Chapter Twenty-Four

Géta arrived in the unoccupied office outside of Esqué's office in a bit of a tiff. He'd tried explaining things to Siéda, but the ghost had insisted he trust the Proxy. As Géta saw it, he didn't mistrust Esqué so much as he feared—he wasn't even sure what it was he feared. It was more than the possibility the Proxy would say "I told you so."

So he calmed himself to the best of his ability and smoothed down the skirt of his tunic. The garment—all his clothes now—were a bit too big around the body, so he tended to tug the tunic down under the belt, and did so now as he inhaled a shaky breath. The door to the sresaph Jalza's office was closed, which meant Esqué wasn't able to witness this little bit of toilette performed by Géta. After taking a few seconds to comb his hair into what he hoped was a slightly neater arrangement with his fingers, Géta went to knock on the door.

It took Esqué about a minute to answer, and when he did, he held the door open wide. "Come in, Géta. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please."

Unable to make himself blithely stride past the Proxy as he used to, Géta stepped in and waited while Esqué shut the door. When the Proxy's hand released the latch handle and flicked in a gesture that had only recently become familiar, Géta forced himself to go to the chairs. As he took the one he habitually chose, tea filled mugs, a sound that came sharply to Géta's ears. He disguised his flinch, glancing to make sure Esqué wasn't looking at him, by wiggling his spine into the back of the chair. A few seconds later, Esqué's footsteps crossed the floor; Géta accepted the cup of warmed, unsweetened mint tea held out to him, then gazed into the liquid as if it could tell him what to talk about today.

Esqué settled into the facing chair with a deep sigh. He said nothing at first, and Géta stewed in the patient silence, trying to think up a topic that wasn't his sleepless nights. The most rested he'd felt recently was the morning after he'd been put to sleep by the Healer. In the past two nights since, he'd gotten perhaps five hours' sleep total—when he hadn't been awoken by nightmares or lying awake too scared to close his eyes for longer than it took to blink. In his anxiety, Géta did something he rarely did any more, mostly because his tutors from home had trained him out of it, and worried his lower lip between his teeth.

"I can see something is troubling you, Géta." When he glanced up, it was to see the Proxy sipping his own cup of tea; when the cup lowered, Géta returned his gaze to his untasted serving of the same. "Please tell me what this is, so we may unknot this trouble."

Géta's head jerked a little in a negative motion, but he kept himself from shaking his head completely and tried to disguise it by sipping from his cup. And then he sat there, staring into his tea with his hands wrapped around the cup, and did his best not to chew on his lower lip again while he tried to find the courage to confess what was troubling him as Esqué wanted. The worst part about it was that he knew the proxy was right. From the first suggestion he'd be so troubled to the hinted advice that this trouble was best discussed, Esqué was right. That didn't make it any easier for Géta to take that advice, though.

He didn't look at Esqué, either. Géta couldn't make himself do so. Not even when, at the edge of his vision, he saw the Proxy's legs shift minutely. It was best not to. Every so often, Esqué invited him to talk about what bothered him. Géta flinched a little each time, knowing he was insulting Esqué's faith in him, but still unable to admit how right Esqué was. It was enough to make Géta want to cry, because it wasn't pride or arrogance, but a fear so deep that he simply could not convince himself to admit to his nightmares.

"I wish to help you, Géta." Surprisingly, Esqué didn't sound irritated, though Géta always thought he should after a wasted hour like this. "I cannot do this if you do not reach out to me. Why will you not tell me what troubles you?"