Camp Camp: Twinning AU

Escape from Camp Campbell

"Isn't this exciting you two!?" David asked, beaming at his two favorite campers, "We're getting not one, not three, but two new campers today!"
The floofy haired twins didn't answer right away. In fact, the female of the two didn't look certain on how to answer but her brother took over before she had to.
"Yep, it's truly horrifying." Max said, not even bothering to look up.
"Horrifying?" David repeated, ruffling Max's hair, "Are you afraid of making a few new friends?"
"I'm not here to make friends, David." Max snapped, fixing his hair, "I'm here because camp is where parents send their kids when they don't wanna deal with them."
"Why do ya think we return the favour when they hit 70?" Mal asked with a playful smile.
Max barked a laugh and gave Mal a high five.
"But, in all seriousness, Max has a point, David." Mal said, moving her green eyes back up to their counselor, "You and Gwen can barely handle us. Do you really think you'll be able to cope with more?"
David simply waved the girl's concern off.
"That's awfully sweet of you, Mal. But it's nothing we can't handle." Davids smile dropped for a moment, "Hang on a sec, what are you even doing out here?"
"Well it's definitely not because the bus only ever comes to drop off and pick up campers and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fuckin' nightmare of a camp... Definitely not that." Max continued to stare forward as he said this and his twin was slowly losing her composure as he did so. She silently hoped Max wouldn't hear her muffled giggling.
"Hey... language."
Max just glared.
"Suck a di-"
"So! Mal, what are you doin' out here?" David said putting a hand on Max's head to stop him from finishing.
The black haired boy grumbled but shut up to let his sister talk regardless. Mal shrugged, putting her hands in her hoodie pockets.
"I'm just making sure Max doesn't drive into a tree and kill himself." She said.
"Fuck you Mal!" Max sweared.
"Yup." She smiled.
David scooped both twins into his arms without warning and gave them a starry eyed squeeze.
"All I want is for you two to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper." David exclaimed, "Is that really too much to ask?"
"I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist." Max deadpanned.
The sound of the bus reached their ears and David dropped the ten year olds to the ground in an act of pure excitement as the vehicle neared.
"The bus is here!" David gasped and began running towards it.
Max looked at Mal with a very obvious 'kill me already' before getting up and brushing himself off. David continued to run and wave at the oncoming bus.
"Heeeelloo! Welcome to Camp -AAAAAHHH!" David shrieked as he ran straight into the moving vehicle, just as it came to a stop.
"David!" Mal called.
She was about to run and see if he was okay but Max grabbed her arm before she could start running.
"Distract the idiot while I try to get this thing started." Max whispered.
"Yeah, alright, Max." Mal agreed, trying not to roll her eyes in front of him.
Mal managed to help the lanky adult up just as the bus doors opened.
"Kids are here." The quarter master said.
A rambunctious looking girl with green hair jumped out with a smile a took a deep breath.
"Oh yeah, smell that nature! Oh that's the stuff." She said with her hands on her hips.
David straightened up with a groan before putting on another smile.
"Well, hello there, little lady. You must be Nikki." He stuck out his hand for her to take, "My name is David, your camp counsel-"
CHOMP
Mal's jaw dropped as the new girl bit down on David's hand. The red head screamed, trying to shake her off but to no avail.
"Uh, excuse me?" Another voice said as Mal felt a tap on her shoulder.
Mal turned around to see a boy. He was a bit taller then her and had lots of curly brown hair.
"Is this science camp?" He asked.
Mal immediately started to feel the anxiety settling in.
"I-I ... um I." She tried to clear her throat but it was no use.
She just blushed in embarrassment as he gave her a strange look.
"No silly!" Nikki said jumping down from her place of causing David pain, "This is adventure camp! Ad-ven-ture? My mom said so! Unless she was lying- again- sorry about that hand by the way. Just exerting dominance, you know how it goes."
David giggle awkwardly as the other boy walked up beside Nikki.
"And you must Neil." He said, "Well you'll be glad to know that Camp Campbell is both of those great-AAAHH!!"
The counselor shrieked again as Max accidently put the bus in reverse and drove right into him.
"Stupid prepubescent legs." Max muttered as he reached for the petals with his hands.
"Not today child." Quartermaster stabbed Max's hood with his hook hand and lifted him out of the bus, placing him next to a currently still jittery Mal, "Only one drivin' this here bus is me."
David groaned as he pulled himself off the ground.
"Thank you Quartermaster." He smiled.
"You're on your own now." He said, sinisterly before taking out a clearly poisonous bottle and walking away, "Going for ma break. Be back for the bus at noon."
They all watched him walk away before David turned to Max.
"Maaax, you are not leaving my side for the rest of the day."
"Shut the fuck up David." Max said as he rubbed Mal's back, "I'm busy trying to help my twin whom you couldn't look after for the 10 god damned seconds I was gone!"
"I'm fine, Max." Mal giggled, smiling at her brother's concern.
"So what's you deal?" Neil. Asked as David walked away.
Max narrowed his eyes and looked to Mal as if to say 'is he cool?'. Mal nodded and stepped up to the new kid.
"Sorry about earlier. I'm Mal. This is my brother, Max."
Neil nodded before looking to Max.
"We're just a couple of kids tryin' to survive out here, Neil." He finished, putting a hand on Neil's shoulder and giving it a pat.
"Now let's go check out the camp, kids!" David announced.
The campers followed David to their first destination.
"The first stop on any good tour is, of course, the flagpole!" David explained and raised his hand to his forehead with the ring finger held down by his thumb, "I can't help but give it the official Camp Campbell salute every time I see it!"
He stopped saluting to point to the Mess Hall but caught a glimpse of the flag and saluted again before continuing.
"Sorry, saw the flag again. Beside the flag is our Mess Hall which is connected to the. Quartermaster store. It's here where we'll serve meals, hold announcements, and occasionally take part in fun camp activities. Tell them how much you love it guys!"
David gestured to Max and Mal.
"Eeeeh." Mal didn't really have the heart to say she'd gotten board of his hikes and other favorite activities so she just decided to make that sound... Max on the other hand.
"Yeah, that's the sad part, he actually still thinks I love it here."
Nikki and Neil stared at them for a moment.
"And who wouldn't?" David said as if he had heard Max all wrong, "Now let's go meet my co counselor, Gwen! Who's in the middle of a camp activity right now!"
David beamed as he opened the door.
"Oh, you're gonna love her-"
"MOTHER FUCKER."
Absolute. CHAOS.... unless you've been here for more then a day.
Space kid was spinning from the ceiling fan as Nurf made it go faster and faster. Gwen tried to get his down by throwing cutlery at the child but was mostly just throwing cusses.
"Nurf, you don't crank SHIT! Get down from there space kid!" She said as if it would make any difference.
"Oh dear!" David said as he leaped into action.
"What is going on in here?" Neil asked, looking like he wanted to run... fast.
"I'm telling you." Max said, grabbing the kid's arm. "If we go now, I can hot wire that bu-"
"MAX, HELP!" Mal yelped as Nikki grabbed her and began to pull her into the nonsense as well.
Max immediately let go of his arm and ran to his sisters aid, Neil following closely behind.
David turned off the fan as Nurf muttered 'buzzkill' under his breath and Space Kid dropped to the floor with a small 'I'm okay'.
"What the gosh darn heck happened?!" David asked a very tired looking Gwen.
Gwen groaned.
"Space Kids just, you know, pushing me to my limits again."
"I WILL ACHIEVE SPACE FLIGHT!"
"Well we have new campers to introduce and orientate." David said, Giving Neil and Nikki a pin that said '1st day camper'. Neil let out a small 'ow' as his pinched him.
"Jesus, that's right." Gwen muttered, "Okay, let's show them the video."
"Actually," David slowly began to bring out his guitar with a smile, "I was thinking maybe I could play them that song I-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there... no." She started to walk away, still carrying the box of sporks under her arm, "I'll get the laser disc."
"Okay!" David said, putting the instrument back in whatever weird pocket dimension he had taken it from in the first place, "All you kids head over to the activity field for your afternoon sessions."
Some of the campers groaned as they left the mess hall. Max and Mal tried to follow but David quickly put a stop to it.
"Ah ah!" David said, grabbing the boy's hoodie and lifting him back to his side, "Not you Max."
"Damn it." Max grumbled as he was placed onto his feet.
Mal wandered over to his side and put an arm around his shoulders.
"I don't think you're gonna be able to weasel your way out of this one, Max." She said, somewhat sympathetically.
"Watch me."
"Can someone please talk to me about science camp?" Neil pleaded, "None of those kids look too sciencey."
"What about that astronaut kid?" Nikki asked.
"Astronauts? The wannabe 'jocks' of the scientific community?" Neil scoffed, "Please."
Gwen blew the dust off a large DVD and handed it to David.
"Don't you worry kiddoes, this video will explain everything." David told them, "It was put together by our founder, Cameron Campbell, back when I was an eager young camper just like yourselves!"
A ladder came down as David continued to ramble.
"He was an absolute legend- oh, sorry, is an absolute legend."
A man most likely in his mid 60's came down the ladder wearing only boxers and a tank top until he realized the people there and quickly climbed back up.
"A savvy businessman, extraordinary philanthropist, and one heck of an adventurer if I do say so myself."
The man came back down, now fully dressed and waited behind David for him to notice him.
"Oh, it's true, Mr. Campbell doesn't often have time to come visit the camp anymore. What with him travelling the globe and, I'm assuming, saving lives. But! He'll always live on in our hearts and minds. It's like the man always said: We're here to have a great summer, and campe diem! Oh if only he were here now."
"I'm here now!" The man said putting a hand on David's shoulder.
The other man turned around and gasped.
"Mr. Campbell! What are you doing here, sir?"
Campbell laughed.
"Well I'm certainly not hiding from any authorities if that's what you're thinking."
David blinked.
"What?"
"Oh come on Davey!" Campbell said, "You think I'd miss the opportunity to welcome our new Campbell campers to Cameron Campbell's Camp Campbell?"
"You have for years, sir." Gwen deadpanned.
The man just laughed again and put an arm around Gwen as well.
"Oh, Grace, you slay me!"
"It's Gwen."
"What did I say?"
"Hey, brawny guy?" Nikki spoke up, "This is adventure camp, right."
"Yeah, so far every attempt to answer our questions just raises more questions." Neil added.
"Hey, good for you! You're starting to catch on!" Max said.
"Haha, don't worry kids!" Campbell tried, "These two will take you on a tour of our great camp and answer any questions you might have."
They all heard a car screeching outside and Campbell immediately pulled the curtains closed.
"In fact, we should go there right now."
They were all quickly ushered towards the activity field.
"Here at Camp Campbell, we pride ourselves on the variety of our curriculum." David explained as they looked over the sea of children doing different activities.
Gwen lazily gestured to each area as she listed off the camps.
"There's Extreme Sports Camp, Magic Camp, Space Camp, Theatre Camp, Art Camp, Other Magic Camp. And lots more... lots of stuff."
"How much more stuff?" Nikki asked.
David brightened up even more to the point where Max and Mal thought they might go blind from the pure intensity of his smile.
"I'm glad you asked, because I've got a little song I can sing-"
"No."
"When Gwen's not around."
Gwen just rolled her eyes before turning to Campbell with a clipboard.
"By the way, Mr. Campbell, now that you're here maybe we can discuss just exactly how we're meant to operate at this scale-"
"Are those kids trying to escape?" The man asked, pointing to Max and Mal as they ran away.
They all looked to where the twins had supposed to have been only to see life size rag dolls of them instead.
"Hurry up Mal!" Max said, gripping his twin's hand tighter.
Mal squeezed his hand back and tried to keep pace with him only to run right into David's legs.
"Looks like knitting camp wasn't as stupid as someone said, huh Max?" David lightly teased, holding up the knitted versions of him and Mal.
"You are the bain of my existence." Max glared.
"And Mal." The counselor scolded the little girl, "I expected better from you."
"Why?" Mal asked, cocking her head to the side, "I'm always right beside Max, airgo, in the center of all the chaos. Besides, he's my twin, I'm not letting him leave without me."
David thought for a moment before shrugging.
"I suppose that's fair." He leaned down and tucked one twin other each arm before walking back to camp, "But I guess I'm gonna have to keep a close eye on both of you now."
"Seriously, how did he not figure that out sooner?" Mal asked, looking at Max.
The still slightly peeved boy just shrugged.
They were set down again and Max shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets.
"Excuse me!" Neil drew everyone's attention to him before gesturing to the monstrosity labeled 'Science Camp', "What the hell is this!?"
The beakers were made of wood, one was oozing something weird and bubbly, even the table it was on was falling apart.
"Ah! I see you found it." David said walking up to him, "That, my friend, is science camp."
"But but but... THIS ISN'T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!" Neil cried pulling out the brochure, "I wanted science camp! Not science camp and more! I don't want more!"
"Well, that's why you read the fine print sport!" Campbell said, pointing to the insanity small 'and more' on the paper, "See? Now you can't sue us!"
"So what? It's just some sort of Camp Camp?" Nikki asked, looking at her brochure as well.
"That's what I said!" Mal piped up.
"Well I wouldn't exactly call it out like that but yes!"
"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Neil shouted.
Many kids around gasped and Mal started to get a little worried.
"Woah." Max said with a smile, "Check out the balls on new kid."
"Where?" Nikki said, looking at her crotch.
"I don't know what kind of operation you think you're running, but I won't stand for it! I'm a man of science! You think you can rummage together some outdated equipment and call it a laboratory!?"
"Look kid." Gwen said, "I know it's not-"
"Stand down Gretchen." Campbell said putting a hand out, "I'll speak to the children."
The man walked to the center of the field to gain everyone's attention before starting his speech.
"Kids, I'm going to be blunt and honest with you. When I opened Camp Campbell all those years ago, I had one goal and one goal only. To create the most popular and successful summer camp in the world! But times have changed. Things like the internet, video games, and the Affordable Care Act are ruining this great country of ours, and the children of today just aren't interested in a traditional summer camp. But America isn't a traditional country! So why settle for anything less! You've got two acceptable counsellors, one hell of a Quartermaster, and endless possibilities here at Camp Campbell." Many of the children actually looked semi inspired, "And by God, as long as I'm here-"
The car from earlier screeched to a stop in front of them and the two men inside started shooting at Campbell. Campbell pulled out a walkie talkie and muttered 'code black' before a helicopter came out of nowhere and scooped him away. The men got back inside and took off after him.
Everyone just stared for a moment before Nikki spoke up.
"He seems nice."
Mal just giggled awkwardly.
"Oh god it's coming back." Gwen said in agony as she clutched her head, "The crippling anxiety and regret."
"Uh, Gwen!" David ran after her as she ran off and collapsed into the fetal position.
Just then quartermaster walked by muttering something about 'time to get that bus'. Max grabbed Neil by the arm and started shaking him.
"Neil, that bus is our only way outta here." He told the science nerd, "Do you wanna spend all summer at this godforsaken place or do you wanna enjoy the sweet taste of freedom?!"
Neil looked around. He saw Mal rubbing Gwen's back as she had what he assumed was a panic attack. He saw the mess that was the other camps... and he made his decision.
"Let's get the fuck out of here." He said, much to Max's delight.
"Makin' a break for it?" Nikki said, walking over to them, "I can cause a distraction for you."
"Why would you help us?" Max asked skeptically.
"I'm an agent of chaos." Nikki shrugged.
"Huh." Max hummed, "Those losers trapped my sister in her own good nature. Can you-"
"Already on it." Nikki said with a thumbs up, "Hey David!"
"Yes, Nikki?!" David responded, both him and Gwen turning away from Mal.
"Why don't you pick up our spirits with that camp song you won't shut up about?"
"Well that's a great idea!" David grinned as Max sneaked around them and dragged Mal towards the bus.
"Oh Jesus Christ no." Gwen moaned from the floor.
"Ooooohhh!"
"There's a place I know that's tucked away, a place where you and I can stay,
where we can go to laugh and play and have adventures every day!
I know it sounds hard to believe but guys and gals it's true, Camp Campbell is the place for me and-"
"The kids are gone." Gwen deadpanned, pointing down to the four fake, knitted, campers in front of them.
The campers ran past Quartermaster but didn't seem to phase him in the slightest as he just muttered.
"No runnin'."
A few seconds later David and Gwen passed him as well.
"(It sucks!) I'm sorry I'm sorry (It always sucks!) I'm-" Gwen and David yelled as they sped on by.
"... No runnin'."
"There it is!" Max yelled, pointing to the bus.
"They're right behind us!" Neil screamed as well.
"Max, Mal, get back here! You're being a bad influence on our new campers!" David called.
"NEVER!" Max refused.
Mal looked back and was horrified when she saw David reaching for Max's hood. Not because it was David. David would never hurt Max. It was too familiar... much too familiar. Mal didn't know what came over her but, next thing she knew, she was leapfrogging over Max and drop kicking David straight in the gut. The counselor was, miraculously, thrown back by the power of the ten year old's blow and straight into Gwen. Mal fell back into Max's arms and winced as she saw what had become of her supervisors. Gwen was currently crushed under her co counselor and David looked like he was currently incapable of breathing.
"Sorry guys!" She threw over her shoulder as Max grabbed her hand and pulled her along.
"Nice save Mal!" Nikki said, punching her in the shoulder as she caught up.
The girl just smiled nervously.
Once all four of them were safely inside the bus, Max turned around and smirked.
"Remember this face, David! Cuz' it's the last time you'll ever see it again!" The boy laughed and closed the door.
Mal looked uncertain as Max climbed onto the driver's seat.
"Do any of us actually know how to drive... at all?"
Max, Nikki and Neil stared at each other for a second.
"... Fuck."
...
Despite the fact that they knew it was futile, they still gave it their best shot. They had only gotten a few meters before Mal noticed they were gonna crash and slammed on the breaks, though. The four kids begrudgingly exited the vehicle as David began lecturing them about safety and responsibility or some shit.
"We were so close." Max groaned.
"In hindsight, I'm not really sure how I didn't think of the fact that none of us can drive." Neil admitted.
"Don't worry." Mal said, patting him on the back, "I've been Max's filter for long enough to be able to notice these things."
"Imma be real. I've just always wanted to drive a bus." Nikki admitted.
"Well kids." David said, "I hoped all of you learned something today."
"Oh no. I hope you learned something, David." Max shot back, "I hope you learned that, before today, you only had two little bastards to deal with. Now you have four."
Max put one arm around Neil and stretched the other all the way past Mal and around Nikki. He turned them all around with a smug grin.
"Let's go guys." He said, "I'll take you to our tent."
Nikki cheered and squeezed Mal in the biggest hug she had ever experienced as they walked away.
"This is gonna be awesome!" She shouted.
"This is gonna be awful." Gwen groaned.
"Oh come on, Gwen. Look on the bright side!" David said, hands on his hips, "Max and Mal made, not one, not three, but two new friends today!"
Gwen sighed.
"Well, I guess it is good for those little twerps to spend time with more than just each other." She admitted.
"Of course it is!" David said.
He slowly began to bring out his guitar for the fourth time that day but was swiftly beaten down by the instrument. David screamed in agony and terror, and all was well in Camp Campbell.