It's called a boundary, don't you know?

Part 4 - So What?

Kit's Pov

I wake up with an extremely cranky mood. Every bone in my body aches, especially my cervical and my lumbar spines, both are stiff creating difficulties for me to move. I remember I dreamed I was lying and I was burnt on my bed. Now my throat is dry. Dry like I breathed toxic gas and it caused combustion inside my lungs. I stare at the glass of water on my bedside table. I don't want to reach it, I want the flame to stay. I fall asleep again.

I hear the rigid knocks on my door. It's already 11 a.m. Hesitantly, I walk to the door and open it. I am surprised finding Beam standing there and immediately cries,

"You look like shit!"

I roll my eyes and go inside. Beam follows me as he complains about how many calls and texts he and Pha sent that I didn't answer. And how I missed a couple of important lectures I would regret. Yes, damn! I just remember, today is human anatomy class.

I feel atrocious. Everything is dark and I experience sensory deluge. I just don't want to touch and listen to anything. The nightmare about being burnt keeps popping in my head. Perhaps it's my unconsciousness, the word abomination feigned in me. I know that word is used exclusively to describe things that are disgusting, loathsome and absolutely intolerable-things. So my dream was literally about my fear transforming into that creature through a blazing fire.

"You okay?" Beam asks. His voice soothes me. It makes me realize he can be very maternal if he wants to and for some reasons today, Beam keeps smiling from ear to ear. Perhaps, it is because he has been going steady with Forth.

It feels like it's been ages since I had a proper conversation with Beam. Two nights ago, I witnessed the whole new layer of him. We were in a bar and Pha and I discussed how Beam was not whom I thought he was, this statement riddled me at first. However, somehow now I got the grasp of what Pha meant by it. Pha has always been afraid to be judged by Beam, it was the reason why he didn't admit his feeling towards Nong Yo. He was terrified if Beam would have a false perception about him. It's hard to believe that Pha would let Beam has that power to bear that kind of impact. To shape what Pha should or should not react about something.

So in the end, we agreed that Beam is a complicated person. That's what makes him intriguing. Unlike me, Pha said I am transparent as fuck. Yet I never straightforward say it. My values are clearly defined, that's the opposite of Beam. Pha told me he often had a hard time reading him.

"Something's troubling you?" Beam questions, he reaches my forehead and chides,

"Despite the cold, of course."

I don't answer, I do feel a bit feverish. I take a step back and sit on the bed. I touch my bed cover, it reminds me of Ming's bedroom he so declared was ours. His sheet was velvet red, I really liked that room decoration. A bit messy, but his room was very much like Ming, lively, kind and scattered-brained.

Beams sees me fondling the very edge of the bed sheet, he can tell something is wrong. But Beam just sighs and says, "Have you eaten anything?"

I just shake my head,

I say hoarsely, "No."

"I'll order soups and fruits. Wait." He walks to the door and phones a restaurant, in the conversation he lists some food he wants to eat, he terminates the call with a very friendly tone. Beam is charming like that.

"Does Nong Ming know?" I give him my biggest pout, I don't like hearing his name, he is the reason I got this disease. First, he spat on my palm and I forgot to wash it when we arrived and secondly, he made me kiss him in spite of the fact that I knew he was suffering from a nasty flu. I hate him. I hate him.